


Safe Cin

by only1tonid



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Erotica, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Foreplay, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Content, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:40:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15668073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only1tonid/pseuds/only1tonid
Summary: When Ciara got back into therapy for her issues with intimacy, she never considered how difficult they could be to explore without a partner. But she has a partner in mind, she just has to figure out how to convince Ben to cross the line of their friendship with her.But is Ciara really ready for what lies on the other side... or where it could lead? Are either of them?





	1. We Should Have Sex

**Author's Note:**

> So… someone did a thing & then I got to thinking, and now, I’m doing a thing. lol This story comes from a request that I write #Cin’s first time… and it turned into this! Hope everybody likes what I came up with!!

Ciara had gone over how she'd bring this up to Ben a thousand times. She'd decided that today would be the day since they both had the day off. So she had invited him over to hang out only for him to cook them an incredible lunch before they settled into play video games. He was more of a reader or a binge watcher, but he tried for her. So when it came flying out of her mouth that way even she was unprepared.

  
"We should have sex."

  
His hand froze on his controller and she beat him even worse than usual. She quickly turned off the game and set aside her controller. After a moment, he followed suit. "I--" Ben cleared his throat, shook his head, and tried again. "Um, I'm not sure I heard you right. Could you repeat that?"

  
_'In for a penny_ ,' she thought. "I said, 'We should have sex'," Ciara repeated. "But before you make things all weird, let me explain."

  
"Before I get weird?" Ben asked, frowning & smirking before pausing to look around. "I mean, you & Tripp… are whatever you & Tripp are, but you just propositioned me, and you're worried about **me** being the weird one? Is this some kind of practical joke show with an ear piece?"

  
"No, you goofball," she chuckled when he poked at her ear. "Stop it, you dork! Tripp  & I haven't been anything for a while. Now, let me explain."

  
"Oh, I am all ears," Ben said leaning back with a smug grin & his arms folded behind his head. "Tell me all about it. I can't wait to hear about how you're hot for my bod and want to use me as your own personal sex toy."

  
"OK, while it's not exactly how I'd phrase it, you're not totally wrong."

  
"Excuse me?" Ben asked shooting upright.

  
"Will you shut up and let me get this out?" Ciara whined, covering her face in humiliation.

  
He immediately threw up his hands in surrender. "Sorry… Sorry." He sighed, pulling her into his arms to offer her comfort. "I'm really sorry, Ci. You know you can talk to me about anything. I'll be quiet."

  
"You promise?" she asked lifting her head from her hands where it was buried in his shoulder. "You’ll save questions and sarcastic comments until the end?"

  
"Of course," he swore, lifting her chin so she could meet his eyes. "You know you can trust me with anything."

  
"Exactly my point," she countered. "Ok, you know, I've been back in therapy, right?" He nodded encouragingly. "Well, part of the reason for that is… well, Tripp and I broke up. No. **I** broke up with **him**. See, every time I thought I was ready, I would get tense and uncomfortable until I'd find myself pulling away from even innocent things. I finally had to admit to myself  & him that I rushed into a relationship with him to prove I wasn't damaged, but in trying to force myself to be ready, I was only making things worse. So I made it clear that I needed to end it so I could focus on myself & my healing. I told him I was getting back into therapy, and maybe down the line if we were meant to be, we could try again."

  
"That makes sense," Ben admitted trying to keep his heart from racing with the hope he always felt at the closeness they shared. "Go on."

  
She huffed out a sigh. "Well, Marlena has been amazing. She's so easy to talk to and not judgmental at all. You know what I mean."

  
"Absolutely," he agreed. "I don't know if I would be this well-adjusted without her help." He smiled down at Ciara. "Well, and your friendship. You help me feel normal outside of her sessions."

  
"As normal as a goof like you gets," Ciara shot back, and they shared a laugh. "Well, in session, we've been working through my hang-ups with intimacy, and I'm ready to explore, but--"

  
"Let me guess, with you and Tripp broken up ,you don't really have a partner to explore with," Ben finished for her.

  
"Yeah," she breathed glad he understood. "I've begun the self-exploration stuff, but that other part... To be honest, I don't want Tripp getting the wrong idea. I'm not interested in getting back together right now. And I just--I just don't feel safe with him like I do with you."

  
"You don't?"

  
"You're always taking care of me, but not in an overprotective way," she rushed to explain. "You never try to take away my ability to make my own decisions. You support me, but then, you're always there willing to catch me if I fall. It makes me feel secure that you would never hurt me. Since Chase… did what he did, it's been hard for me to shut down that voice in my head. The one that says 'What if he's just pretending to be nice to get in my pants? What if he gets tired of waiting and just doesn't stop when I say no? What if he covers my mouth like Chase did so I **can't** say no?'"

  
Ben held her as her breathing became shaky  & she had to fight to regain control of herself. "I would never hurt you, and as God is my witness, I will NEVER let you be hurt if I can help it," he swore.

  
"I know," Ciara whispered. "You're the only guy I don't hear those voices with anymore. I trust you, Ben. I know it may seem crazy to some because of your past, but it's true. I feel safe with you."

  
"I'm glad," Ben replied, with a gentle smile. "You know you're my safe place, too. I never thought anyone would really see ME again. It was always the Necktie Killer Ben Weston or Serial Killer Ben Weston. I was the monster under the bed."

  
"Please, more like my favorite teddy bear to make the nightmares go away," Ciara argued. "You've made your share of mistakes in the past. Huge ones, but you were lost & didn't know how to cope. You've paid for your crimes and done the work to get better. You still do, every day. Besides, at your core, you are the most loving, gentle man I've ever met, and anyone who can't see that?" She sucks her teeth. "It's their loss, and my incredible gain."

  
"See, the way you see me," Ben chuckled. "The way you see **me**. See ALL of me. The good, the bad,  & the ugly. You let me be normal. I've never really felt that before. There was always some secret hanging over my head that I was running from."

  
"Well, you never need to hide from me," Ciara assured him. " Unless of course you forget my birthday or something really heinous like that." Laughter ensued. "But enough about how awesome I am to be your bestest friend, and back to my sexual healing!"

  
"Your sexual healing?!" Ben scoffed, laughing.

  
"This is no laughing matter," she shot back, smacking him playfully. "A girl's sexual liberation is **not** a laughing matter at all! And solo time with a vibrator can only do so much."

  
Ben choked on his laugh as that image filled his head, and then he had to fight his instant arousal as he often did around Ciara. "Right."

  
"And I know you're attracted to me," Ciara said matter-of-factly. "This wouldn't be the first time you've… nudged me before you got yourself under control."

  
He blushed. Sex had never been a difficult topic for him, but with Ciara, it was different. She meant more to him than just relieving an urge. "You noticed that?"

  
Ciara laughed. "Kinda hard to miss, but the feeling isn't completely one-sided," she admitted. "Or at all."

  
Ben stiffened. "You're attracted to me," he said flatly.

  
"Don't sound so excited about it," she huffed. "I guess that means you're not interested in helping me with my sex stuff."

  
"Let's not go that far," Ben quickly disagreed. "I just--I don't know what I was expecting when you invited me to spend the day with you, but this was not it. It's a lot to process. Maybe if you just finish laying it all out for me?"

  
"Well, as I said before, masturbation can only do so much," she continued. "My big issue with sex is not about orgasm. I'm a modern woman. I can do that for myself."

  
"Because of the vibrator," he deadpanned, his gaze far away.

  
Ciara smacked him again playfully. "Ugh, you are such a guy," she laughed. "But the best guy I know. And the perfect guy to help me with my intimacy issues. See, I want to someday fall in love, get married, and have babies as much as the next girl, but if I can't be intimate with a guy…"

  
"Is that what you want with Tripp?" Ben blurted. "Marriage and babies?"

  
"What? Where did you get that idea?"

  
Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well. You said the reason you broke up with Tripp was because you have issues with being close with a guy sexually, and you just said you want to get married  & have babies. So--"

  
"I said SOMEDAY," Ciara asserted pulling away from him completely to turn and face him. "I'm not in love with Tripp, Ben. And I'm not imagining a wedding with babies to follow tomorrow. But… someday, after I've gotten my degrees and joined Marlena's practice… it would be nice to think of having a husband and kids to come home to. I mean, don't you want that, too?"

  
An image of him being her husband & father of the kids Ciara came home to after a long day of making the world a better, saner place flashed through his mind making his lungs tighten and his heart race. "Yeah, I do. More than you can imagine."

  
Ciara looked at the faraway look in his eyes & drew the wrong conclusion. "You're thinking about Abby & Thomas, huh? I'm sorry."

  
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Ben sighed. "I am over whatever Abby and I had. That's in the past. It does still hurt sometimes that, uh, Thomas isn't mine, but I've accepted it. I don't imagine Abby or Thomas in my future anymore." He blew out a breath. "It feels like it was another life when I did."

  
"Really?"

  
"Really," he swore. "So tell me how us having sex fixes things for you."

  
"Well," she began hesitantly. "I was thinking we could work our way up to the sex, but you know we could do **things** together so I can get comfortable touching and being touched. And then… when I'm ready, we could… you know."

  
His mind flashed with images of all the ways they could be closer leading to him hovering over her as she stared up at him eyes full of hunger as he thrust urgently inside her tight, wet-- "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

  
"You don't want me," she said, refusing to meet his gaze  & looking and sounding more vulnerable than she probably wanted to. "I get it. I mean, you can't control biology, so you might respond sometimes, but you don't think of ME like that. I get it."

  
"No," he replied, cupping her face so she was forced to look at him. "You really don't. I just don't want to take advantage of you and mess up the best thing in my life."

  
She reached up and gripped his wrists. "You won't. I trust you, Ben. I wish you'd trust yourself as much as I do."

  
His forehead fell to hers. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

  
"Completely," she replied. "As long as you don't accidentally fall in love with me."

  
"Too late," he admitted deadpan.

  
"You dork," Ciara laughed thinking he was joking to lighten the mood. "Sounds like we're agreed then. Maybe we should seal it with a kiss."

  
"Ok."

  
"Ok?" She squeaked.

  
"If you want," he replied, but the heat in his eyes confirmed that he definitely wanted to kiss.

  
"Ok," she whispered, licking her lips.

  
"Ok." He caressed her cheek, brushing away a strand of hair. He licked his lips and leaned in.

  
"UGH!" Claire came stumbling into the loft backwards, loaded down with bags, causing them to jerk apart. "Today's photoshoot was nuts! You really dodged a bullet, because you would have hated it, but it was a total dream for me! I even got all these great freebies! And being the wonderful generous roommate I am, I may even let you have one or two. Just not the Betsey Johnson. Or the Versace. Maybe the Prada. Mayb--oh, hey Ben!" Claire had softened considerably after Ben's brief stint living with them. "Uh, did I interrupt something?"

  
"Like what?" Ben asked, trying for casual.

  
"Well, the way you two snuggle bunnies are sitting on opposite sides of the couch not touching at all for possibly the first time ever or the way you're staring at me instead of each other for once, which--wow, have your eyelashes always been that pretty, Ben? You know, I could talk to Gabi or someone about getting you into modeling as well. I mean, it's no secret you've got the most ridiculously perfect body. You totally almost gave Tripp a complex & he's way hot."

  
"Thanks?" he replied as he tried to absorb her ramble. "Actually, I should head out. I need to stop for groceries on the way home."

  
"You mean hot pockets & pizza rolls?" Ciara replied, following him to the door shaking off the awkwardness of their almost first kiss. "I'll text you later on, ok?"

  
"Yeah, we still have a lot to discuss if you're sure," Ben said, quietly for her ears only. He cupped her cheek, letting his thumb slide down to caress her lips. Then he leaned in and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Come by sometime. We'll finish that talk."

  
No sooner than the door closed behind him, Claire pounced. "Oh, my god! You did it! You finally did it!"

  
"Did what?" Ciara asked, looking at Claire like the maniac she often seemed to be.

  
"You told him how you feel, right?" she replied. "What did he say? Did you two kiss? Are you a couple or just dating?"

  
"What? You mean me & Ben? We're just friends."

  
"You're kidding me, right?" Claire asked crestfallen. "Don't tell me he friendzoned you. Because that did NOT look like the friendzone to me. Unless he's doing the mixed signal thing. God, I hate that. Ugh, men **suck**!"

  
"You're crazy, you know that?" Ciara laughed. "There was no friendzoning because we're just friends. You're letting your imagination run away with you again. Now I think I was promised Prada. I'm not a label ho like you, but even my ears perk up over Prada."

  
"I wouldn't say promised," Claire responded, rushing to protect her treasures. "I said MAYBE, and don't think I've forgotten about whatever is going on with you  & Ben. But I can understand wanting to keep it secret for now. I mean, Mom & Dad would lose it if they thought I was going there with a serial killer, reformed or not, but Grandma Hope would TOTALLY lose it. She barely tolerates your friendship with him as it is. So I'll let it go… for now. Here's the Betsy Johnson dress I'm absolutely OBSESSED with!"

  
Ciara pretended to share her enthusiasm, but deep inside her, a knot formed at the thought of her mother learning of her plans with Ben.


	2. Details, Details

Ben sat alone in his studio apartment thinking about the last time he & Ciara had a day off together. There had been texts & calls, but it had all been surface stuff. They had easily agreed this thing between them was a topic better addressed face-to-face. But once that was decided, they'd also agreed to only discuss it at his place, especially after what Claire almost walked in on. So he sat with a notepad & pen waiting for her to arrive.

  
He'd had trouble thinking of anything else since she put the possibility of them making love out between them. "No. Sex," Ben corrected himself aloud.

  
He kept having to remind himself that this was not about her returning his feelings for her. It was about helping her heal and take back autonomy over her body. The autonomy that her stepbrother physically stole from her for such a brief time, but had stolen mentally for much longer. Ben was adamant about not being just another example of a guy who took advantage of her beautiful heart or who let her down… he would love her the way she deserved to be loved… until she fell in love with someone else. Someone better than a reformed serial killer. And that someone would be the luckiest fucking bastard to ever walk God's green Earth.

  
Dr. Evans told him almost every session that he should have more self-esteem & stop being so self-deprecating, but with the looks he still received every day, it was hard to see himself as anything better than his past, except… except when Ciara was looking at him. She never just saw him as the actions he took during the mental break that defined his past. No, she saw him as the guy who was fighting to make more of himself everyday. It made him believe some day he would be able to truly put that painful past behind him.

  
A knock distracted him and he frowned setting aside his notepad. Ciara had a key because she occasional stopped over when he was at work for a quiet place to study away from Claire's incessant chatter, and he suspected now that she’d reveal she ended things Tripp that she was avoid awkwardness of their relationship ending. He definitely understood that. Although, he'd had to threaten to take her key away when he came home to new bedroom & living room sets that she refused to let him pay her back for.

  
But he had no other friends & Jordan had moved long ago, so he couldn't imagine who would be there to see him besides Ciara. Another knock came as he reached the door. He opened the door and chuckled, shaking head.

  
"Don't just stand there laughing, grab some of this, Ben!"

  
He immediately complied. "What even is all of this?"

  
"Some of this is Italian from Grandpa Vic's personal chef whom I talked into hooking me up," she chirped heading for his bathroom after setting the food on the kitchen table. "Not that it was hard. I’m totally his & Grandpa Vic’s favorite. Oh, and you can start clearing me some space in one or two of your drawers for some of that. The rest can go in the closet, ok? Thanks."

  
"Uh, hold it! Time out! Rewind!" Ben called out, kicking his front door and dropping the bags he held on the bed. "Since when are you moving in here?"

  
"Moving in? Here?" Ciara scoffed, coming out of the bathroom empty handed. "I can afford way better for us than this if I wanted to move in with you."

  
"Then, maybe you could explain why you need a drawer & why you just stocked my bathroom with who knows what girly stuff," he asked exasperated.

  
"I'll explain while you make room," Ciara replied eying him pointedly. Finally, he huffed a sigh, nodded, and began clearing space in the top two dresser drawers. "Ok, I've been thinking about this since we decided to do the sex thing here, and I figured there would be times when things would get close & hot between us so I might need a shower before I head home. Or we might need to schedule around school--which I think you should consider, but we'll talk about that later. And if we schedule around school, it would be much easier if I can come straight here & get comfortable rather than run into Tripp or Claire and their endless questions."

  
Ben opened the bag, and immediately froze. "So do you want me to put this stuff away or--"

  
"Huh?" she asked looking away from his tiny closet. She took a breath when she realized what he meant, and then reached down deep for more bravado. "Oh, sure. You'll be seeing them on and off me eventually. No point in making a big thing about it, right?"

  
"Right," he mumbled, as he began placing her bras & underwear beside his in his dresser. All the while he grew more and more sure this was all a punishment for the evil he had perpetrated while sick, as her cute, girly cotton panties gave way to silk and lace confections. When finally everything was put away, he plopped back down on couch and grabbed his notepad & pen.

  
Ciara moved toward the kitchen. "I need to put this in the oven to stay warm, but we can start talking about… you know."

  
"Your intimacy training?"

  
"My what?!"

  
Ben took a deep breath realizing there would never be a better time to share his tentative plans. "Your intimacy training," he began. "I was able to do a little research on sex therapy, sexual surrogacy, and intimacy--"

  
"Training."

  
"Exactly," he agreed. "I was thinking since this will be like an additional form of therapy, we should have some rules or guidelines or something."

  
Somehow seeing how nervous he was made most of her own worries melt away. Having followed the chef's instructions for reheating his lasagna, she grabbed 2 bottles of water joined Ben on the sofa. "So what did you have in mind from rules?"

  
He accepted the bottle she offered, but set it aside. "Well, we already decided on the first one."

  
"Oh?" She took a sip, content to let him take the lead.

  
"Rule #1: All 'sessions' happen here in my place," he explained.

  
"Maybe with the caveat of 'unless designated otherwise'," she countered. "You never know & no need to make things weird by breaking the rule. But agreed."

  
"Ok, Rule #2: We keep this exclusively between us with the exception of Dr. Evans."

  
She scoffed, "Duh! Like I want it getting back to my mom and setting her off again."

  
"Yeah, but that means no PDA either," he added. "It'll become more natural to touch or kiss each other like at a movie, but if we don't your mom or Rafe knowing…"

  
"You're not wrong." Ciara sighed. "Ok, next rule: Total honesty. I'm gonna be feeling really vulnerable so I need to not have any reason to question you. Even if it's as small as you're having a bad day and don't want to do… things."

  
"That was actually next on my list," he admitted. "I can promise you my complete & total honesty if you give me the same. We will enter sensitive territory so I need to know if you get triggered or too uncomfortable to continue something."

  
"I promise." She took a sip of her water. "That was pretty easy. Anything else."

  
"Just two more," Ben said, ticking off something else on his list. "Rule #4: We will have safe words."

  
"Safe words?"

  
"Yeah," he said. "Yellow means slow down & possibly discuss whatever is happening before continuing, and red means stop completely."

  
"How does that work if it's about something I don't want talk about?" Ciara asked. "I mean, we just said rule number 3 was total honesty."

  
"Total honesty doesn't mean you don't have a right to privacy," Ben clarified. "It's just to keep us from keeping the important stuff from each other. Things that might cause more harm than good if kept to ourselves. This whole experience is to help you heal, not to make things worst."

  
"Ok." She nodded. "That makes sense, but those have to be your safe words, too."

  
"Huh?"

  
"If I push you in some way you're not comfortable with or you're having a bad moment over something in your past," Ciara explained. "I don't want to cross a line with you either, Ben."

  
Ben nodded. "Fair enough, but I can't imagine needing to use it."

  
"Even if I asked you to put your hands around my throat while we--"

  
"RED!" he snapped, fighting the arousal he had never admitted to feeling with anyone. "Red."

  
"Exactly," Ciara replied, calmly taking his fisted hand in hers and trying to sooth him. "It's ok. You're in control now. You're ok. We’re both ok, Ben."

  
"How did you know?" Ben asked as her touch both soothed & agitated him. "I've never told anyone."

  
"Just something you said about your father controlling you & your need to have power over others so you wouldn't feel so powerless," Ciara admitted, trying to ignore his erection as she focused on his hand in hers. "And you're not the only one who has done some research. Especially with my major."

  
"Ah, well, good hypothesis, I guess," he admitted, clearing his throat. "But now that brings us to the final rule. The one I'm absolutely adamant about."

  
"Like you weren't with the rest," she teased, trying to lighten the tension. "Ok. Hit me."

  
"Rule #5: No Intercourse."

  
"Excuse me?!"

  
"I was going to say no sex," he said nonchalantly, pulling his hand out of her lap where her hands had gone lax, "but that seemed too simplistic since things will obviously get sexual during our intimacy training. But there's no need to go there."

  
"I'm pretty sure that was the whole reason we're doing all of this," Ciara argued. "Because I specifically remember starting the conversation with the words: We should have sex."

  
"Oh, I am fully aware of that," Ben chuckled. "I'm pretty sure that entire conversation is burned into my brain for all eternity."

  
"Then please explain to me how there is 'no need' for us to actually have sex when it was the whole point?!"

  
"No," Ben disagreed. "The whole point was for you to get past your issues with intimacy so one day when you fall in love, you won't freeze up with the lucky bastard like you did with Tripp." He looked back down at his notepad, and grumbled, "Not that that was any great loss."

  
"Maybe I don't want to wait for some mythical guy to come along and be the first guy I have sex with," Ciara complained. "Maybe I want the first guy I choose to give myself to… to be you."

  
"Look, this is non-negotiable for me, Ciara."

  
"But why?" she demanded. "I don't understand."

  
"Because I don't want to be like Chase!" he blurted out.

  
Ciara gasped. "Ben. you could never--"

  
"He took advantage of you, Ciara, and stole something precious," Ben continued. "He took what should have been a really special moment for you and he made it about power & control. HIS power. HIS control. It wasn't about love. It wasn't making love like it should have been. He stole that from you. I won't be the one who steals that from you again."

  
Ciara considered Ben for a long moment, and realized this wasn't about her at all. This was about his fear of becoming of crossing some imagined line in the sand that would make him the bad guy. He was way too sure she might someday regret being with him. Nothing she said in that moment would get through to him, not even admitting her growing feelings for him. Probably especially not that. So she would just agree… for now.

  
"Ok," she accepted calmly, causing his head to jerk up in surprise. "I'll accept this rule with the understanding that we can reassess it as needed."

  
"I'm not going to change my mind," Ben said firmly.

  
"Details, details."

  
"Ciara Alice."

  
"If you're so sure you won't change you mind, what would be the harm in reassessing later?" she countered.

  
Ben eyed Ciara suspiciously before conceding, "Fine."

  
Ciara released the breath she’d been holding & nodded agreeing. “Could you imagine if we fell in love?” She quipped looking away with a smile to hide her nerves.

  
“You’re too good for a guy like me,” he replied, focused on the notes he was making on his notepad, “But I should be so lucky as to someday be loved by someone as amazing & beautiful as you.”

  
She took his free hand. “You wouldn’t be the only lucky one in that relationship,” she whispered to him. “Just promise me, no matter what, we’ll always be friends.”

  
A slow grin spread across his face. “You could never get rid of me that easy. Not after everything we've been through.”

  
“Good.”


	3. Everybody Has A Dark Side

A delicious smell had begun filling the air. So once Ciara checked the oven & saw the food was ready, they fixed plates & sat down to eat. She had Ben bring his notepad so they could continue their conversation. “This is amazing.”

  
"Francois is amazing," Ciara beamed. "He even made me my favorite cookies like when I was little and would visit Grandpa Vic."

  
"And what does he think about you sharing your goodies with me?" Ben asked, before shoving more lasagna in his face.

  
"Who said I told him it was for you?" she teased. "Besides, Grandpa Vic is more likely to be offended that you killed for free and then had the bad taste to get caught than the fact that you killed."

  
Ben stopped chewing to stare. After a moment, he finished chewing & swallowed. "You're kidding."

  
"Sometimes I wish I was," Ciara admitted. "But he loves me and says I remind him of my dad. I know he'd never do anything to hurt me & would do anything for me."

  
He took a sip of his water and cleared his throat. "Refresh my memory on who your 'Grandpa Vic' is again?"

  
"Victor Kiriakis."

  
"The business mogul?" Ben frowned.

  
"And made mafia don, yup!" Ciara took a big bite of her lasagna. "Francois really outdid himself with this lasagna."

  
Ben swallowed hard. "Well, that's confusing."

  
"What? That my supercop dad's father was a mob guy?"

  
"No," he replied. "Just that your mom has yet to go to him to off me."

  
Ciara stared in horror for a long moment.

Ben just shrugged and bounced his eyebrows at her. Suddenly she erupted into giggles. "You are so morbid!"

  
"Side effect of being a former serial killer," he quipped, enjoying watching her face light up with humor. "But we should really get back to planning your sex therapy."

  
"Hey, you're the one with the notepad," she snickered, beginning to calm down. "Where do we go from here, Dr. Feelgood."

  
"Ha ha," he mocked. “I take your health & happiness very seriously.” She smiled but rolled her eyes. "But to answer your question, now that we've set the rules, I need to know more about what I'm dealing with."

  
"How so?"

  
"Like what have you experienced? Before and after… you know."

  
Ciara pushed her mostly empty plate away and heaved a deep breath. She stood up and Ben was concerned he had gone too far too fast.

  
"Was that too much?" he asked. "Is it a yellow or a red?"

  
"No," she replied, reaching into the bag she'd pulled their dinner from, "but if we're going to talk about something as lame as my sexual history, I need treats to soothe my wounded ego."

  
"Ciara--"

  
"If you can joke about my mom & Grandpa Vic putting a hit on you, I can joke about this."

  
"Fair enough," he admitted with a nod. She bit into her cookie and sighed. "You ready to answer now?"

  
"Before Chase," she began considering her words, "I was your average 15-year-old good girl. A few kisses. A makeout or two. A little touching, all over the clothes, of course."

  
"And after?"

  
"Not much more than that," she answered. "I mean, it was mostly some kisses, some making out, some over-clothes touching with Tripp."

  
He tried to control his reaction to mentioning her ex by taking notes. "Ok. So we need to start almost from the ground up."

  
"Um…"

  
"Yeah?” he asked looking up at her.

  
"When do I get to ask questions?"

  
He shrugged. "Fire away."

  
“Ok," she began. "First, let's go back to the couch."

  
"I should really clean all this up."

  
"Ah, come on," she groaned. "It'll keep. Please?"

  
Looking at the mess in frustration & then the face he couldn't seem to deny almost anything, Ben heaved a defeated sigh.

As soon as he sighed, Ciara knew she'd won & grabbed his arm, dragging him to the sofa. "Thank you!"

  
He barely managed to grab his notepad before being dragged away from his empty plate. He plopped down and began taking notes on what he & Ciara would need to work on.

  
She turned to him, legs crossed. "Ready?" she asked. He cut his eyed toward her briefly and nodded. "Good. Ok. How experienced are you?"

  
His back straightened and his eyes widened.

  
"I mean, I’m sure you’ve gotten with more than a few women," she continued hurriedly, "but WHAT have you actually… DONE, exactly?”

  
Ben nodded as his cheeks flushed slightly. “Not the question I was expecting, but I guess it’s fair considering." He cleared his throat. "Well, I have definitely had sex in many different positions. Probably not even half as many as in the Kama Sutra, but enough. I spent some time in an S&M club or two before moving to Salem. I’m what they call a 'switch'.”

  
“I’m assuming that means what it sounds like it does,” Ciara quipped, to hide her discomfort with the details of his sexual past.

  
“Yes,” he chuckled. “I enjoy dominating as much as submitting under the right circumstances. Now let me finish. I’ve kissed a guy & I liked it, but I’ve never explored beyond that. And I’ve done a bit of role play.”

  
“Ok." Ciara took a deep breath and swallowed. "Then you really were the right guy for this job,” she offered with a nervous chuckle.

  
“You asked," was his calm response. He placed his hand on her knee. "Does it bother you?”

  
“Which part?”

  
“Any of it.” He shrugged.

  
Ciara opened her mouth to respond, but paused to really consider the question. “Not exactly. The topic of… you know, sex makes me wildly uncomfortable to begin with, despite my best efforts to hide that fact, but then that **is** why we’re here now,” she answered honestly. She took a deep breath before continuing determined to keep up her end of their total honesty pact. “But the fact that you’re experienced only makes me nervous in that my inexperience might turn you off or make me seem juvenile.”

  
Ben’s eyes darkened with lust. “I should let you know inexperience in a young woman is not really a turn off for most guys. The idea of being the first or only is very appealing. Probably goes back to caveman days. The urge to be the first… for me, there’s a very dark, primal part of me that—”

  
When it seemed he wouldn't finish his thought, she took his hand in hers. “Just say it.”

  
“As much as there is a part of me that craves protecting you, it also thrills at the idea of being the one to corrupt you.” He looked down in shame. “Sorry.”

  
“Ben, it’s ok.”

  
“But—”

  
“No, it really is ok," she assured, lifting hid face to hers until he raised his gaze to hers. "Everyone has a dark side, Ben. Everyone has fantasies that make them uncomfortable to talk about. Even me. They must be harder for you to admit to considering where your darker impulses have led you when unchecked, but as soon as you accept that you are fully in control now, you'll realize that you can have naughty thoughts and they don’t make you evil.”

  
His eyes lit up at her understanding  & kindness. “You’re going to be even more incredible than even Dr. Evans.”

  
She looked down blushing. “I don’t know about that.”

  
He brushes a lock of hair behind her ear. “I do.”

  
Ben leaned in and sealed his words with a sweet kiss--their first. Ciara tensed for a brief second before relaxing & returning his kiss with equally increasing fervor.


	4. Still Have Work To Do

What began as a sweet kiss escalated quickly as Ben's hand slid behind Ciara's head to pull her closer and her hand on his neck returned the favor. But when Ciara got up on her knees changing the angle, Ben snapped out of it and began slowly pulling back. ' _Not yet_ ,' he thought, as he allowed himself one final taste before pulling back completely. "Wait," Ben breathed, resting his forehead against hers.

  
Ciara tried to pull him back, but despite succumbing to one more, brief kiss, Ben resisted going any farther. "Why?"

  
"Because we still have work to do," he uttered, fighting every instinct inside him that was screaming to pick her up and lay her in his bed so they could see just how far they could take this "intimacy training" on the first try.

  
"I'd say everything was working just fine," she quipped, heat still in her gaze, but feeling calmer, and more sure of her decision than ever. "But you're the more experienced party here. I'll let you take the lead." The words 'for now' rang clearly between despite not being spoken aloud. "So what's next?"

  
Picking up his notepad, he flipped to another page. "Next, we come up with a plan."

  
"I guess that makes sense," she replied hopping up to head back to the kitchen.

  
"You don't have to do that," Ben said, as she began cleaning up.

  
"Yeah, I kinda do," she shot back. "Need a little space mixed with some distraction. So what would this plan of yours entail?"

  
Ben cleared his throat as he watched her bend over to retrieve the dishcloth she dropped. "The way I see it, uh, the, uh, um… the best way to work on this is in stages."

  
"Stages?"

  
"Yeah," he said refocusing on his notes & making adjustments. "Each stage will take as many or as few sessions as it takes, but once you're comfortable & we both agree, we’ll move onto the next."

  
"Ok," she acknowledged, finishing up their dishes pretty quickly & moving to cleaning up the food. "That actually makes a lot of sense. Oh, and you get the leftovers because lord knows that if Claire knew I'd brought this here instead directly to the loft, the whining would be endless & she'd probably snitch to Uncle Vic."

  
"You'll get no complaints from me over keeping the leftovers," Ben said, before frowning. "'That actually makes sense'? Really? Thanks for your faith."

  
"I didn't mean it like that, of course," Ciara huffed rolling her eyes and reaching for another cookie. "So give me a rundown on these stages or whatever."

  
"I figure six would cover everything."

  
"Just six?" she asked as she plopped down next to him with the container of cookies. "You need a cookie jar, by the way."

  
"I'll put it on the list, if you give me one of those," he replied, putting out his hand.

  
"Fine," she grumbled. "I've probably had too many anyway. But I get your notepad in exchange, too."

  
"Whatever. Here," he chuckled, exchanging his notepad for the container of cookies. "You could have just asked, you know."

  
"Now he tells me," she mock grumbled, as she reads. "'Stage one: Getting Ciara comfortable with sharing her personal space & being touched.' I'd say we got a pretty good start on this one. 'This includes: kissing, hugging, & touching in non-intimate areas.' So clinical."

  
"Are you gonna mock me or tell me what you think?" he grumbled around a bite of cookie.

  
"So sorry, oh Sensei of Sexual Liberation," she joked, eyebrows bouncing for effect. "But I figure we kinda got that one covered. Not that I'd mind a refresher."

  
"Keep reading, you flirt," he replied deadpan.

  
"'Stage 2: Getting comfortable with touching a partner's clothed body'," she recited. "So I get to feel you up? This is gonna be so fun."

  
"Lord, I'm gonna end up creating a monster, aren't I?" he groaned, throwing his head back against the sofa.

  
Ciara laughed and continued, "'Stage 3: Getting comfortable with touching/being touched intimately while clothed.' Ok."

  
"I figured the first two would be easier," he admitted. "I expected that one would be where we have to really start to take our time. I have some ideas about how to work through it when the time comes."

  
"No, I'm good," she replied. "I mean, it'll be good. I mean, this is a good stage." She clears her throat blushing hard. "'Stage 4: Learning to trust a sexual partner & relinquish control'. I guess you learned a lot about that in those S&M clubs you visited. But two things."

  
"What?" he said weakly, when it hit him that she had hesitated over Stage 3 out of arousal and not fear or nerves. "Tell me."

  
"Well," she began. "I think that, um, stage should be 'Learning to trust a partner while taking & relinquishing control'."

  
Ben's nostril flared at an image of her grabbing him roughly by the back of the head as he knelt before her. He cleared his throat. "Makes sense. I should have thought of it myself. Of course, you'd want to take control. It's a big part of you wanting to do intimacy training. We can definitely work on that. What was the other thing?"

  
"I think we should explore Stage Five before the control thing," Ciara told him. "In fact, I would prefer it if we put the trust/control thing last."

  
"Does it scare you that much?" Ben asked with concern.

  
"Honestly?" she asked, staring at her lap where she was playing with his pen nervously. "It petrifies me. Just the idea of trusting anyone ever to-to… I need time to get used to the idea… a lot more."

  
“Ok.” Ben reached out and took back his notepad and pen. "So that means Stage 4 will now be 'Getting comfortable with varying stages of nudity', 'Stage 5: Skin-to-Skin Contact', and 'Stage 6: Learning to trust a partner while taking & relinquishing control'. Sound about right?"

  
"Yep! Except…"

  
“What?”

  
“So stage 7 would be sex?" Ciara asked.

  
"There is no stage 7 for us,” he replied firmly. “Remember the rules? We agreed."

  
"I did agree… for now."

  
"Ciaaaara…"

  
"Bennnnn…"

  
He rolled his eyes and changed the subject. "I'll head to the library soon and get this typed up & printed out," Ben said, already forcing himself to focus on the important stuff rather than his feelings for his only friend or her determination to have them consummate their relationship.

  
She watched him as an idea started to form. "Or you could borrow my tablet and just save it to a shareable file on the cloud?"

  
Ben rolled his eyes. "And what happens when I have to give it back? I'll be fine with the library, but if you want, I can email you your copy."

  
"You could always just kee--" she stopped short at the look he gave her. She didn’t know why, but the more he refused her financial help, the more she felt the urge to help him anyway. "Fine. I don't know why you always make such a big deal out of me spending **my** money the way I want just because I happen to enjoy spending it on **you**!"

  
"I still haven't finished paying you back for Ted," he huffed.

  
She shrugged. "I'm just putting it into a joint account so if my mom or Rafe decide to be jerks again  & arrest you for existing in the same space as me, you'll have bail money ready or a legal fund waiting."

  
"Ciara!"

  
"It's true, and you know it," she scoffed. "But whatever. Whenever you get around to it will be fine." She snatched a cookie from his fingers and used it to muffle her next words: "Stupid pride."

  
But he heard her. "Well, it's hard won so you might as well accept it," he shot back. "I will be sure to tell Dr. Evans. She's been on my case about my low self-worth."

  
That stopped her cold. "She has?"

  
Ben covered his face. "Yes, but she has admitted there have been definite improvements since the Salem PD backed off."

  
"Because of my mom's suspension," Ciara breathed sadly. "I still say you should have sued."

  
"The fallout wouldn't have been worth it," he explained yet again, meeting her gaze. "I'm good with my decision."

  
"Because you're stubborn."

  
"I have to be considering the company I keep." A text alert came over his phone. "Why aren't you answering your phone?"

  
"Who is that?" she grumbled, not liking the idea of some random gi--uh, person texting him this late.

  
"Claire, and she only texted **me** because it's late  & you haven't been answering your phone," he explained as he showed her the text & his response. "Your mom stopped by & you weren't there. I told her you fell asleep studying here, but you are heading home as soon as you call your mom. Now call her before I end up that get out of jail fund tonight."

  
Ciara rolled her eyes, knowing he was right. She grabbed her phone. "Hey mom," she chirped, when her mother, Hope Williams Brady, answered. "I needed some time away from Claire in boys & shopping mode. No. N-No! Mom! You know I'm in counseling about what happened to me, AND I'm back in school. I'm behind at least a semester because of the time off I took. I don't exactly have the time or energy to put into some guy. None of them are worth jeopardizing my GPA." Ben flinched inwardly. "Well, Ben is one of my best friends. So yes, **he** will always be worth it."

  
The way she took his hand and met his gaze when she said it made his heart pick up speed.

  
"Look, I'm about to head back to the loft  & it's kinda illegal to talk and drive so… yeah, uh-huh, we’ll see. Right. Bye, mom!" She ended the call. "Agh! I love her, but that woman drives me nuts."

  
"I get it," he assured her with a gentle smile. "Grab your bag, and I'll walk you to your car."

  
"Thanks." Ciara grabbed her bag, tossed her cell inside, and dug for her keys. She paused at the door. Thinking she was still hunting for her keys, he reached around for the door, but her hand stopped his on the knob. "I want you to kiss me good night right now. After all, we said no PDAs."

  
His hand released the doorknob, and slid to her waist pulling her into him. His other hand slid up her side, barely grazing the side of her heaving chest, as he reached the curve of her neck. He squeezed gently as his thumb played a long her jaw line before slipping up to cup her face. He met her half-lidded gaze before dropping his gaze to stare at her mouth, and back up to stare through her eyes and into her soul. Finally, with painstaking slowness, he brought his mouth down to hers for a featherlight brush of mouths. Then from one heartbeat to the next, Ben went from delicately tasting to outright devouring her mouth.

  
And then, before she could hope to get her bearings, it was over and she was left adrift as he led her out to her car. It wasn't until they had reached her car that she had remotely recovered her composure.

  
Ciara Alice Brady had never been kissed like that in her short, but eventful life. She’d never known it was possible. A kiss like that should be the basis for romance novels. Now, that the fog in her brain was lifting, she remembered that kisses like that one actually were. She felt a tug and realized he was trying to get her keys so he could unlock her car.

  
She looked around and realized they were alone by her car door. She finally spoke. "Wow."

  
"Was it bad or…?"

  
"Or," she replied immediately. "Very, very or."

  
A smile slid across his mouth. "I'm starting to regret it because I'm worried about whether it's safe for you to drive home."

  
That jolted her. And her pride made her pull out all the bravado she could muster. "Get over yourself. So you've got a talent mouth. Good for you."

  
"There's my girl."

  
She felt a flutter of longing at being called his. "Your something," she quipped. "Good night."

  
As they hugged, Ciara wasn't the only one soaking it in. But Ben was once again the first to pull away. He brought a hand to her cheek and brushed a strand of hair back as he cupped her face. He leaned in like he would kiss her again, but stopped at her forehead. She didn't know what it was about this man kissing her forehead that did her in almost as much as him kissing her mouth, but she couldn't complain.

  
"Sweet dreams," he whispered as he swept her into her car, closed the door between them, and stepped back out of the way.

  
She turned the key in the ignition, waved a final goodbye and pulled away, hopeful his kisses wouldn’t keep her up the rest of the night since she had a 9 am class the next morning.


	5. The Hardest & Easiest Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who is supporting this story! Especially those who review & leave kudos! I can't say how much I appreciate hearing from each of you with feedback or even just a quick line to let me know you're enjoying the story.

**Chapter 5:**   **The Hardest & Easiest Thing**  
Ciara stood in front of a very familiar door feeling more nervous than she had since her first visit. Knocking did nothing to ease her trepidation, nor did the voice calling out to allow her entrance. Taking a deep breath, Ciara entered. "Hey, Dr. Evans. You got a minute?"

"Ciara, dear, come in," the older woman chirped in her soothing, well-modulated voice. "You're in luck. I just had a cancellation. I'm assuming this is about an impromptu session since you're calling me Dr. Evans instead of just Marlena."

"Right as usual," Ciara admitted, taking a seat in her usual spot. "I definitely need to talk to someone, and I need someone capable of being unbiased & not judgy."

"I'm glad to know you think so highly of me and our doctor/patient relationship," Marlena replied clearly pleased. "However, there is no need for you to try to butter me up. So what say you stop stalling, have a seat, and say what's on your mind, hm?"

"And then there's the way you don't take my crap or let me get away from anything," she chuckled before sighing. "I plan to have sex with Ben."

Marlena's eyes widened. "Ok. How does Ben feel about that? And when did you realize you had such strong feelings for him? You never mentioned anything in our sessions." ' _Although, I did suspect_ ,' she thought.

"I don't. I mean, I do, kinda. I mean," Ciara babbled. "Ok. I'm not explaining this right. After our last session, we addressed my progress and how a lot of my work on my problems with intimacy wouldn't happen until I entered a sexual or romantic relationship. I'm not sure I'm in the right place in my life for falling in love, you know, with school & our work here in therapy, but it got me thinking." Ciara bit her lip.

"Go on."

"What if I could find a partner for the sexual end of things?" Ciara explained. "Someone who could help me past my hang-ups so when I am ready to date someone seriously, it's not this thing between us. And there only so many guys I trust. Tripp's not an option. He was always in deeper than I was, & he'd just see it as an opportunity to rekindle our relationship. And, um—"

"You no longer find yourself interested to him the way you once were," the doctor concluded taking notes.

"I was never  **that**  into him anyway," Ciara heard herself admit. Her eyes widened at her confession.

"Oh?" Marlena replied, an eyebrow raised in question.

Having opened the can of worms, she saw no way out of being completely honest. "I mean I wanted to be, but... I was still in love with Theo when I came home," she explained. "When he didn't return my feelings, I was devastated in a lot of ways. At that point, I couldn't imagine wanting or being wanted by anyone but Theo. I've felt damaged for so long." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I thought Theo was the only one who could ever be attracted me without my baggage being in the way. So for him to turn me down… and for it to be for Claire of all people. It hurt. And there was Tripp, whose feelings for Claire were just as unrequited." Ciara paused fiddling with her purse. "Honestly, he's not even my type. I mean, he's cute & has a nice body, but…"

"So you rebounded together," Marlena supplied.

"Exactly!" Ciara released the breath she'd been holding. "I had no idea that's what it was while it was happening, but looking back..."

Marlena smiled in understanding. "They don't say that hindsight is 20/20 for no reason. It happens to a lot of people. It's perfectly understandable. Go on."

Relaxing further, Ciara continued, "We had barely agreed to date when Claire headed out of town to see Theo in Africa. Tripp planned this special dinner and I was genuinely excited about our first official date."

"Until?"

"Aunt Julie brought up Chase  **and**  the possibility of sex—two things I hadn't considered at all."

"Uh-huh," Marlena breathed remembering Hope mentioning something of that nature to her around the time of Ciara's motorcycle accident.

The young brunette sighed. "I don't even know if it was mentioning Chase or that she thought we were that serious already, but every time Tripp kissed me—"

"You saw Chase in your mind's eye."

"Exactly," Ciara huffed. "It really set the tone. Even after he nearly fu-uh, had sex with Claire, and I had my accident, it was like it was expected we'd end up together, have sex, get married, & have babies. And God knows I want those things, but—"

"Not with Tripp."

"No," she admitted in a small voice. "And not all right now!"

"And that's ok, Ciara," Marlena assured her. "Honey, you're a young woman with your whole life ahead of you. And who you choose to share it with is entirely up to you, only when you're ready."

"Yeah, but sometimes, it's hard, you know."

"I do."

Ciara sucked in a deep breath. "Anyway, Theo, while single now, is out of the picture since he's in Africa. Tripp never should have been in the picture, and Ben is gorgeous, sweet, & my closest friend, outside of Theo."

"I see," Marlena replied noncommittally.

"So I figured he could help me get past my stuff so I told him we should have sex."

"And his response?" She asked genuinely curious.

Ciara frowned. "At first, he agreed… well, I kinda blurted it out so at first he thought he heard me wrong, but then, when I explained—" She pulled a sheet of paper from her purse & passed it across the desk. "That's a rundown of what we discussed on how to handle what he's calling my 'intimacy training'."

"So he's turned it into a form of therapy," Marlena said quietly. "And he's taken sexual intercourse off the table?"

"Right?!" Ciara got up and started pacing. "That was the whole point of me wanting to do this."

"Not the whole point," Marlena countered with a slight smile.

"Ok, fine," she admitted with a groan. "Ben may have pointed out that the real point of all this is for me to get comfortable with intimacy, but that's not why he's taken sex off the table."

"Oh?" Marlena had to fight to hide her amusement.

Oblivious, Ciara continued on, "He says he doesn't want to take advantage of me and be like Chase. And I guess I get it, he's scared I'll regret choosing him for my first time voluntarily having sex. Which I never would, but his resistance has me questioning everything so I came here. Plus, he mentioned being worried about messing up our relationship, and I refuse to let that happen."

"Ok. How can I help?"

"Tell me whether or not I'm insane for even considering all this?"

Marlena chuckled. "You're not crazy, Ciara. What you are is a young woman in the prime of her life, who experienced something horribly traumatic that stopped your sexual maturation in its tracks. It's normal that as you take control of your life back, you would also want to take control of that aspect of your life."

"But am I making a mistake?" Ciara asked fearfully.

"Ciara," Marlena sighed. "You're human. You're going to make mistakes. It's a part of life. Just like fear."

"So what do I do then?"

"You do the hardest & easiest thing anyone can do." Ciara raised an eyebrow at Marlena so she continued, "You trust your instincts, and if it doesn't turn out the way you expect, recognize the lesson & learn from it."

"Ugh, I was afraid you would say something like that," Ciara grumbled.

Marlena chuckled. "And here you are asking me to tell you what you already know." Marlena paused. "So what are you going to do?"

"Trust my instincts, of course," Ciara quipped, picking up her things. "Thanks for your time & the help."

"And did I?" she asked. "Help, I mean?"

"Actually, you did," the younger woman admitted with her hand on the door. "I needed to be reminded that the decisions are mine to make and part of what I'm working on getting back is trust. Especially in myself and my decision-making. Thanks again. See you around."

"Bye, Ciara." As the door closed, Marlena picked up the sheet of paper in front of her. "This should definitely be interesting. Lord knows if she decides to go through with it, I'll probably need to clear my schedule for poor Hope."

* * *

Ciara was settled in and comfortable by the time that Ben got home from work. She'd had a busy day with school and her impromptu session with Marlena. But after that, she gotten a few more errands run, hit the shower, changed her clothes, and had even managed to time her assignment to be reaching a good stopping point as Ben got in. "Hey, Ben!" she chirped as he locked the door, oblivious to her presence for once.

"Ciara?" He turned to find her on her laptop on the couch. "Hey. Sorry. I wasn't expecting you. Did I miss your text?"

"Nah, just figured I'd surprise you."

"No complaints here," he chuckled, whipping off his shirt. "Let me catch a quick shower and get comfortable. Then we can order dinner."

"Or I could order while you're in there," she called as he closed the door.

"Sounds good!"

As the shower came on, Ciara tried not to think too hard about the fact that Ben didn't bother to grab a change of clothes before going in. Or the fact that it meant he would have to come out in nothing but a towel. She tried to ignore the fact that the sound of the water falling meant that he was naked with water pouring over his skin. Just one door away. "Ciara."

She looked up to find him standing over her dripping wet, a towel hanging from his lean hips. "Ben?"

"I need you." His deep voice resonated down her spine. "I thought I could hold myself back, but I don't have a right to tell you what is right for you. But if you want me, god knows you're all I want."

"Yes," she whispered, closing her eyes and waiting for his kiss.

"Ciara?"

"Huh?" she jolted awake to see him in a tank & sweats.

"Did you doze off before or after you put in the order?" Ben asked again, kneeling in front of her.

She looked down at her laptop and frowned. "I guess I didn't put it through. Sorry." She put their order through.

"No problem. What are we having anyway? Chinese? Thai? Chowder?"

"Pizza."

Ben groaned, "More carbs? You're killing me, smalls."

"I'm sure you'll survive," she quipped.

"I'll have to," he shot back before pausing as something caught his eye. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

Ben pointed. "That."

"Oh," Ciara replied. "That's just our new computer."

"Our?" he scoffed. "Why do WE have a new computer here in  **my**  apartment?"

"You know I study here sometimes."

Ben eyed her. "Are you sure you haven't moved in?"

"Please!" she laughed. "I promise when we move in together, you'll know."

' _When_?' he thought trying not to hope.

Ciara continued, oblivious to the impact of her words, "This was a necessity, for both of us really."

"Uh-huh."

"Look, I had a long day, Ben," she huffed. "After classes, I got stuck having lunch with Claire & she was driving me nuts being boy crazy & trying to hook me up with some model guy or whatever. So I couldn't exactly go back to the loft because she could follow me there with her little model squad or whatever. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to come here & get some schoolwork done, but I forgot my laptop was in the shop. I was stuck. Anyway, I got the call that it was fixed and figured it was meant to be since you need a computer anyway… for research or whatever. Plus, I already had your me Wi-Fi password I got us one & set it all up."

Ben stared her down trying to tell if she was lying. "You didn't just make that story up so I wouldn't take away your key after the last time."

"Please, like that would actually happen, anyway," she snorted. "Here. She snatched my phone & took our picture before I could make my escape."

"Huh."

"Yeah, he's cute, but not my type."

"Looks like Tripp."

"Yeah, exactly." She felt compelled to explain at the look he gave her. "I mean, I was upset about Theo choosing Claire & he was upset about Claire staying with Theo so… I kinda made an exception."

"Tripp was a rebound?"

"Only technically." She shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Huh." Ben watched her carefully until a knock at the door distracted him.

"That would be dinner," Ciara called as she walked towards the kitchen. "You get it and I'll grab napkins and stuff so we can veg out in front the TV."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler/Warning: Next chapter--or the one to follow, things will take a turn for the frisky. If you have been paying attention, you'll remember there are stages so it only get progressively naughty from here. If you're not up for it, you may need to turn back now... or at least prepare yourself to, because these next two chapters are going to be less plot, more... lol You have been warned.


	6. Welcome to Stage One

Ciara & Ben met in front of the couch to enjoy their dinner. "Why are we eating on the floor?"

"We've done this before," she chuckled, grabbing a plate and a slice of pizza.

"I thought we only ate Chinese on the floor?" he teased.

Ciara paused mid-bite. "You're so strange. We only did that twice."

"And they were the only times we ate on the floor," he shot back. "But ok. How was your day? You had class, right?"

"Yes, actually," she replied, suddenly losing her appetite, but trying to hide it. "Today was definitely a school day."

"A school day," Ben chuckled, as a grabbed another slice. "Is tonight a school night? Do I need to get you home before curfew? Should I tuck you in?"

She laughed despite herself and swatted him with a pillow. "Shut it."

He continued laughing. "But really tell me about your day, aside from Claire trying to set you up with the model version of Tripp."

"Well," she began. "It started with class, then I snuck in a session with Marlena. I managed to get in a workout just before Claire & her model squad caught me on the way to lunch, and as I was heading here to escape, I got the call from the Geek Squad to pick up my laptop. I called Theo while I was there & he helped me get this great deal on our new computer."

"Wait, you what?"

"I called Theo for help—"

"Ciara."

"Oh, you mean, the part about me stopping by Marlena's office for a session, right?"

He scoffed, "Uh, yeah. I think I can guess what you talked about, but is there anything I should know?"

Ciara dropped her pizza on the paper plate and tossed it on the coffee table beside the pizza box. "I think we need to talk about it, but I don't necessarily want to."

"I get that," he said. "And as much as I would never want to push you to do something you didn't want to do, what you need matters more. So I'm listening."

"You're right," she admitted. "Sitting in that office pouring out my heart to her, I realized just how much I had been living in fear since Chase."

"I get that."

"No, you don't," Ciara countered, then paused. "Or maybe you do, but not in the way you think."

"Ok, then," Ben replied. "Explain it to me."

Ciara took a deep breath. "Well, I have been afraid of a lot of things, but none more than myself." She started playing with a discarded crust as she tried to get her thoughts in order. "With Chase, I knew he was messed up. I mean, he was doing all kinds of crazy things and getting into all kinds of trouble. But in my heart, I believed wholeheartedly that he was a good person who was just messed up because of everything his father did."

"Do you still believe that?" Ben asked. "Even after what he did to you?"

"Yes," she whispered after a long moment bring her gaze to his. "I kinda do, but now, I can acknowledge the one thing I ignored back then."

"What?

She placed her hand over her stomach. "My gut. My instincts were screaming that he couldn't be trusted because he was spiraling, but I loved him like a brother. I loved him so blindly that I ignored my instincts and it blew up in my face."

"Ciara—"

"And don't get me wrong. I'm **not**  blaming myself for what  **he**  did, but I'm taking responsibility for being naïve enough to trust & defend him so blindly," Ciara explained. "I thought my intuition was the problem. That I had no instincts about people and it's made me distrusting of everyone & everything. You said it yourself in the cabin. But… talking to Marlena made me see something. I'm going to make mistakes. Because I can't be perfect. I am only human. But I can still trust my instincts. I can make good decisions. The right decisions for me."

"I have never doubted that."

"I know," she admitted, taking his hands in hers. "And that's maybe why I've always felt safe with you on a very basic level. I don't know if I'll still want Stage 7 at the end of our 'intimacy training', but I know this: I need you to trust me to make that decision."

"But—"

"I get you wanting to protect me, but you don't have the right to take such an important decision away from me. If we get to that point and you decide for YOU that you don't want to make love with me, that's fine. But if your decision has anything to do with protecting me or saving me from myself, then… I need you to realize it is not your choice to make. And you need to accept & respect my right to make that decision for myself. Can you promise me that?"

Ben looked flabbergasted. But he took a deep breath, and said, "I'll try."

"Ok, good." She sighed, her relief clear. "Now, I didn't just decide to surprise you by coming over here unannounced bearing necessities."

"Necessities?" he echoed, still slightly distracted.

"Yes," Ciara huffed, rolling her eyes. "Necessities. Now stop interrupting." She paused to make sure Ben wasn't going to interrupt again. He waved her on. "As I was saying, I had more plans for this visit than just surprising you by being the awesome bestie I am." She took a deep breath. "I figured today would a good day to start Stage One."

Having just taken a bite of his pizza, Ben choked. "Stage 1?"

"Yup!" Ciara chirped as nonchalantly as she could fake, before taking a bite out of her pizza.

"Tonight?"

"Is there an echo in here?" she quipped. "Yes."

"Sorry," Ben replied, setting aside his empty plate. "I just need a minute to catch up. I wasn't expecting… well, any of tonight so I'm a little overwhelmed."

She tossed her uneaten crust into the box. "I guess that's fair." After a few heartbeats of silence, she asked, "So what do you say?"

Ben couldn't resist laughing when she bounced her eyebrows at him in such a teasing manner. He decided to put his thoughts of… Stage 7 away for now, and just focus on the moment. "Sure," he agreed, picking up their trash and heading for the kitchen.

"Sure?"

"Now, who's the echo?" he teased, as he finished tying up the trash bag. "I'm going to take this down to the dumpster, but you can shoot Claire or Tripp a text checking in so they don't call your mom on you or something."

"Ok," she said with faux calm, texting Claire as he left the apartment.

No sooner than she heard the door close, Ciara hopped up & made a beeline for the bathroom. She washed her hands and grabbed one of her face wipes for her face. She looked herself over before pinching her cheeks to give them a little color. Then she eyed her hair & the outfit she'd carefully chosen for her first session with Ben. She'd picked a white cami tank with navy shorts & a matching hoodie, but the hoodie seemed unnecessary now. Whipping off the jacket, she nodded. Poking her head out of the bathroom she tossed it toward the couch.

"Now the rat's nest," she grumbled. She tried to adjust her ponytail, but after a few frustrating attempts, she snatched out her hairband and grabbed her brush. A few swipes took care of the worst of the tangles. She immediately bent forward to resecure her pony, but her nerves made that impossible. Finally, she stood up straight & tossed her hairband on the sink. She bent over to tousle some body into her messy waves.

"I like it down better anyway," Ben admitted.

Ciara shot upright pushing her hair back from her face to find him leaning in the doorway watching her with a slight smirk. "Back so soon?"

"You know you don't have to worry about impressing me, right?" he replied, fighting his growing smile. "You're beautiful even when you're covered in cuts & bruises and—"

"—a few days' worth of funk?" Ciara finished, slightly mollified as she plopped down on the toilet seat. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Ben. I know we're just friends and... I don't know. I just—I just went a little crazy, I guess."

"Come on," he said, taking her hands, pulling her off the toilet seat and leading her back out to the couch. "Sit & I'll explain how this is going to go, ok?"

Ciara sat with a sigh. "Ok."

"Look, I get it," Ben began as he knelt in front of her and got comfortable. "This is all pretty new for you. May I?" he asked, picking up her foot. She frowned slightly in confusion but nodded. Ben immediately began massaging her foot. "It's normal to feel nervous and unsure, and to try regaining some semblance of control over whatever you can."

"You're really good that?"

"Foot massage?" He grinned up at her.

"That, too," Ciara chuckled, relaxing even more. "I was referring to the way you have of putting me at ease. And of making sense of my nonsense."

"Well, thank you, I think," he replied working up from her foot to her calf. "I like to think you're not nearly as hard to figure as oh, say a former serial killer. Imagine having to dig around in this mess for a few years."

"You may have a point," she quipped, feeling a different tension enter her body as his hands neared her knee. "So uh, what's with the massage? Is it just to get me out of my own head or—"

"Welcome to Stage One."


	7. This is part of Stage One?

Ciara stared at Ben, who stared right back as his hands continued working their magic on her leg. "This is part of Stage One?"

  
"Yup!"

  
"What about—"

  
"What about the kissing?" he asked, receiving only a nod as his hands worked up her leg to just above her knee. "There'll be plenty of that as well."

  
"But for now, the massage."

  
"Uh-huh," he agreed. "The whole point of this first stage is to get you used to me in your space in a non-threatening way. And this has the pleasant side effect of relaxing you and allowing me to get used to feel of your body under my hands."

  
Ciara shivered. "O-ok."

  
"I'm gonna stop before I reach your upper thigh and start on the other leg," he explained suiting his hands to actions. "Because your inner thighs are a very intimate, sensitive area of your body."

  
"Right," she agreed shakily.

  
"I'll work my way up your body," he continued explaining. "I'll caress your outer thighs & hips. I'll feel the muscles of your stomach tighten under my hands." Ciara swallowed hard as she felt his hands doing exactly as he promised. "I'm going to run my hands up your sides, and I may graze those full breasts, but no matter how your nipples beg for it. I won't touch them."

  
"You won't?" she asked, sounding a bit forlorn.

  
Ben shook his head. "Nope," he answered. "Too intimate. For now, I'll work my way up to your shoulders and down your arms. Then it'll be time for you to turn over and lay face down."

  
Ciara stared at his mouth as his hands worked over her tensing stomach towards her sides. "Or we could just kiss?"

  
"We co—" Ben didn't get to finish responding as she launched herself at him taking what she needed from his mouth.

  
Ciara's hands sank into Ben's hair as she straddled his hips. Instinctively, his hands slid up her back & then down to her hips, pulling her closer. He had already been aroused by his own words, thoughts, and actions, but feeling the mouth that kept him up nights on his while her thighs squeezed his hips as she tried to get closer almost made him lose his load right there.

  
Grasping every ounce of self-control he had, he pulled away just enough to speak: "Yellow."

  
It took a moment for the word to land & make sense in her lust-addled brain, but when it did, she took a deep breath and rested her forehead on his, too reluctant to put any more space between that. "Ok. Slowing down. Got it." She took several deep breaths. "Why are we slowing down again?"

  
"Because we are moving a little fast, don't you think?" he whispered, as he careful slid her undulating back slightly. "We've only just begun and you're already halfway to home base."

  
"I'm not seeing the bad here," Ciara replied, moving her head so her nose danced along his cheek until her mouth reached his ear. She bit down on his ear lobe. "Sounds more like progress to me."

  
"Yeah," he breathed, as her teeth and tongue moved from his earlobe to his neck. "But we, uh, need to, ah! We need to make sure we master—right there—each stage before we, uh, we move on."

  
Ciara lifted her mouth and met his gaze. She slid her hands from his hair and rested her hands on his shoulder. "Ok. Mastery." She bit her lip. "Stage one is about me getting used to being touched & kissed & held with my clothes on, without my… more sensitive areas coming into play, right?"

  
"Right," Ben agreed, unable to resist squeezing her hips.

  
"Ok, then," she said, clearing her throat. "Touch me." She brought his hand to her face, and her eyes drifted closed. Rubbing her cheek in his palm, her eyes opened looking into his. "Kiss me." She kissed his palm as her other hand slid his from her hip to the small of her back. "Hold me."

  
"You are so bad," he chuckled, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

  
Her breath caught in her throat. "You really think I'm beautiful?" she asked, looking down nervously as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

  
"No," he replied, his other hand coming up & cupping her cheek and pulled her closer. "I know you are. And not just out here." He caressed her lips her mouth, her chin, and down along her clavicle to rest over her heart. "But in here. You have the most beautiful heart."

  
Ciara smiled gently, looking up into his eyes. "Yeah? Really?"

  
"Yeah," he replied, leaning in and rubbing his nose against hers. "Really.

  
Just as his lips brushed hers, her phone rang. They froze. Ciara glanced toward her phone and closed her eyes. "I should get this."

  
"Your mom?"

  
"Unfortunately," she grumbled. "Hey mom! What's up?"

  
Ben started to get up, but as much of a turn-off as her mother calling was, he was still hard. Despite their closeness, he wasn't sure how comfortable he was to be walking around in front of Ciara with his dick hard.

  
"Mom," Ciara huffed, rolling her eyes. "Mom! **MOM!** Jeez, breathe!" She got up, and his concern for her finally softened his arousal. "Well, I don't like raising my voice, but it's kinda hard to get a word in edgewise with you ranting like a crazy lady."

  
Ben stood up, headed to the bathroom to give her some privacy. Ciara watched and released a breath she'd been holding. "I planned to study late at a friend's, so I brought a change of clothes in case I decided to spend the night. Considering the hour, I probably will."

  
"Why is your car still in the garage at the loft?" Her mother demanded to know.

  
“Mom, please,” Ciara huffed. “Are you kidding me? Salem is not that big. I can walk, Uber, or catch a ride anywhere I want to go. Why waste gas if I don’t have to? You really need to calm down. I’m fine! Embarrassed  & annoyed at having my mother checking up on me & giving me the third degree like a common criminal? You bet, but perfectly fine!”

  
“I’m just worried about you,” Hope replied. “This friend you’re spending the night with… it isn’t Weston, is it?”

  
“Mom! I’m 21! If I want to sleep at a friend’s place, including Ben’s, that’s up to me!”

  
“So you ARE at Weston's?! I'm coming to get you right now!” Hope persisted.

  
“Oh my god, MOM!" Ciara gasped. "I never even said which friend!"

  
"Then, who are you staying with?"

  
"What? So you can show up and embarrass me because you're having trouble cutting the cord!"

  
"Ciara!"

  
"Mom, I'm sorry, but you're being ridiculous," Ciara sighed exhausted. "What part of ‘I'm 21 & it's none of your business’ are you missing?!"

  
Hope sighed. "Ok. Maybe I am overreacting a little."

  
"You think?"

  
Hope sighed again. "I just worry about you."

  
"And I'm worried about you, Mom." Ciara rubbed her forehead trying to relieve the tension headache building there. "I-I love you, Mom. You know I do, but when you get like this, I… have you been going to your sessions and taking your meds?"

  
"Ciara."

  
"You're scaring me," she blurted. "Mom, you're so obsessed with Ben & 'keeping me safe' from him, but Ben has proven over and over again to be fine & not a danger to me or anyone else. But you won't stop obsessing. If you can't get past this soon, Ben won't be able to talk me out of--"

  
"Talk you out of what? Huh?" Hope asked, tentatively. "What did Ben supposedly talk you out of?"

  
"Getting a restraining order against you," Ciara admitted sadly.

  
"You would-you would do that to your own mother?" she asked, sounding devastated & breaking Ciara's heart. "You would really cut me out of your life over that ‘serial killer’?"

  
"IT’S NOT ABOUT BEN!" Ciara snapped in tears but sick of this merry-go-round. "It's about how you're suffocating me with your need to 'protect' me from everyone & everything, but especially from Ben. Mom, Chase raped **me**. And I get that I wasn't the only one who that hurt, but how am I ever supposed to get past it and move on with my life if you're always trying to control me in some misguided attempt to protect me! It has to stop. Please." She felt Ben's arms wrap around her from behind, holding her  & offering comfort. "The last time you started losing control like this, I almost got a restraining order & left town. But Ben wouldn't let me because he knows how much you & I mean to each other, but if you keep this up, he won't be able to stop me. And if you can't get control of yourself, this time when I leave Salem, I will disappear completely, and I will NOT come back.” Ciara took a deep breath. “Please, mom. I love you, but you need to fix this. Because I can't keep living like this."

  
"Baby, I—"

  
"Please, Mom," she whispered. "Promise me you'll try. Dad wouldn't want this for either of us."

  
"I promise, Ciara," Hope swore, her voice trembling, but filled with determination.

  
"Thank you," she breathed, slouching back into Ben's arms. "I lo—um, love knowing I have you to lean on."

  
‘ _I love you, too, Ciara Alice_ ,’ Ben thought answering what he hoped she’d been on the verge of saying. “And you always will.”

  
"I know," Ciara replied tiredly. "Good night."

  
"Good night."

  
Ben held Ciara as she fought not to cry in his arms. When she seemed to calm, he spoke, "So you were planning to spend the night, huh?"

  
Ciara laughed hysterically for a moment. "Surprise."

  
"Then let's head to bed," Ben said scooping her up and carrying her to his bed. "I think you've had more than enough of today."

  
"Ok." Her small, drained voice reached out and squeezed his heart, as he slipped into bed to hold her as she cried herself to sleep.


	8. Proceed With Caution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life has really put a damper on my fantasy life, hence the delay! But I’m back! I decided to make this a much longer chapter since it's been awhile! Hope you all are still enjoying the ride!!

Ciara woke slowly. She blindly reached to grab for her cell phone off her nightstand. It took her an extra try or two, but she finally managed snag her phone. She tilted her head to peak at the time & then sighed remembering she only had an afternoon class that day and figured she could probably sleep in more if she wanted. But that smell…

She paused as a thought hit her. This was not her bed. Or her bedroom. She rolled over a little to look around and noticed legs moving in her direction. "Morning," his deep voiced greeted sending a chill down her spine.

"Morning," Ciara moaned, holding the sheet up over her chest as she stretched. "That smells great."

"Pancakes, eggs, bacon, & fresh fruit," he said, setting down the tray beside her. "I was considering carrots instead of fruit, but…"

Ciara giggled. "I think you made the right choice with the fruit. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ben replied, sitting across from her.

"Not just for this."

"I know," he said, caressing her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, actually," she admitted with a hint of surprise as she grabbed a fork. "Actually, I slept this well since-"

"The cabin?" he asked. "I know the feeling."

"You slept ok?"

"Crazy, right?" He grabbed a slice of bacon. "I was just listening to you breathe and then it was morning. I felt so energized I got in my jog and a little grocery shopping."

"I was wondering where this tray, and the fresh fruit came from."

"Now you know." Ben tapped her nose, and Ciara smiled around a mouthful of food. "So, what's up today."

She shrugged. "Trying to decide if I can afford to skip class this once." Ben gave her a look. "Fine, DAD. I'll go."

Ben choked and tried to cover with a cough. "Definitely not your father, but whatever," he grumbled. "How is it?"

"Delicious," she said, swallowing her bite. "As usual, you make the best pancakes I've ever had. What's your plan?"

"Plan?"

For today. It's your day off from the garage, right?" she asked, continuing to eat & offering Ben a bite.

"Well, not much," he replied. "Although, we have a session to finish."

Ciara blushed and choked on her last bite of breakfast. "So what? You just wanted to soften me up with breakfast before you got your hands on me?"

"Ci!" Ben choked out in amusement. "Really?" She nodded snickering. "Because I'm the one who threw myself into your lap!"

"Ben!"

"I just meant we didn't get to finish the massage," he clarified. "What do you say?"

"I say you need to decide if you want me on my back in your bed or on my stomach."

"Really, Ciara?" Ciara burst out laughing & Ben shook his head as he moved the tray off the bed. "On your stomach, smartass."

Ciara giggled nervously as she rolled over. Ben again started at her feet. "I'll start at your feet."

"Like last night?" she replied her voice's pitch rising as her memories from the night before melted into the sensation of his hands on her body.

"Yup," he answered. "I'm going to work my way up each of your calves."

She moaned as he worked his way up from her feet to her calves. "Uh-huh."

"And then, I'll work the back & outside of your thighs," he said quietly, his deep voice rumbling.

"B-because my inner thighs are too intimate, right?"

"You remembered." She could hear the amusement in his voice but the nerves, anticipation & arousal overwhelming her kept her from making a snarky response. "So I won't get to feel the muscles of your inner thighs tense under my hands." He paused as his hands massaged up her legs sensitizing areas that wouldn't normally arouse her & leaning in close to her neck, so he could whisper: "Yet."

"Not yet?"

Ben's hands slid even further up her legs as he leaned back. Just as his hands reached her hips, he leaned down and placed a kiss in the small of her back. Despite him only kissing her lower back through the thin material of her tank, Ciara felt a shiver of electricity travel from that spot through her entire body. "Uh-uh," he answered, squeezing her hips before continuing his journey up her body. "For now, I'm enjoying feeling the warmth of your skin coming alive even through your clothes. Aren't you?"

"Yes," she managed.

"Good." His pleasure in her response was clear in his voice, and only sent more tingles through her. "I love touching you. Especially through your clothes. You're so sensitive to my touch, it makes me even more excited for when I can strip every stitch of clothing from your body, so I can touch & taste every inch of you."

Ciara's breathing came in rapid huffs as his words filled her mind and his hands danced along every vertebra, over every dip & curve of her back. Her entire body felt alive in a way she could never have imagined. When his hands finally reached the mostly bare skin of her shoulders she felt like a raw, open nerve—every inch of her sensitive & alive with sensation. He placed a kiss at the base of her neck. "Roll over."

She was sure she had never moved so quickly or eagerly in her life. Once she was on her back, Ciara surged up to meet him where he hovered over her, straddling her body. She reached up and let her hands sink in to his short, dark mane. "Kiss me," she begged.

Ben leaned in until his mouth hovered over hers with barely a breath separating them. "You want my mouth on you?"

"Yessss, please."

His lips quirked, but before he could do more than that, a phone rang. "Ignore it," Ciara whined. "They can leave a message and I'll call back if it's really important."

"It's not your phone," he replied, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "It's my alarm."

"Can't you hit the snooze?" she grumbled falling back on the bed feeling on edge and restless now that the moment was clearly broken.

Ben got out of the bed and grabbed his phone. "I have an appointment with Dr. Evans today so-"

Ciara lifted a pillow to her face and screamed. "Such a fuckin' tease," she pouted.

Ben laughed. "Well, you wanted to know what I had planned for today." She threw a pillow at him. "So impatient."

Ciara stuck her tongue out at him, and then stretched. "My back feels amazing & I'm full after breakfast in bed." She sat up. "I probably shouldn't complain because at least now Stage 1 is over."

"Oh, it is?" Ben chuckled as he put on his shows.

"Isn't it?" Ciara asked trying not to whine.

Ben mulled it over as he stood & grabbed his wallet. "Well, you certainly don't seem to have a problem with me touching you, so I guess we can move on next time."

"And Stage 2 means…?"

Ben smiled as he walked over to her. Without warning, he leaned down, wrapped his arm around her back, and pulled her up & into his chest. This time, he barely hesitated before his lips met hers. This kiss seemed different. It was just as passionate as ever, but there was a slow, almost languid quality that made Ciara feel like a delicacy being savored. "Have a good day in class," he said softly against her mouth. He dropped one last peck before releasing her to leave for his appointment. "See you later, Ciara."

When the door shut, Ciara fell back onto the bed to dreamily recount every second of that kiss. Suddenly, a thought occurred, and she shot upright. "Son of a bitch," she hissed, only to immediately roll her eyes. "I can't believe he did that." He had totally managed to leave without answering her question. And yet, she found as she laid back into the rumpled sheets that carried their mingling scents that she couldn't be bothered by it instead erupting into giggles.

* * *

Ben hadn't been this nervous in a long time. He knew he had done nothing wrong, and she wouldn't judge him. At least hoped she wouldn't. He knocked. "Come in."

Ben entered one of his few safe havens in Salem. "Good morning, Dr. Evans."

"Good morning, Ben," Marlena greeted smiling warmly. "Right on time. Have a seat." Ben took his usual place across from her desk. "I have to say I'm a bit surprised as you're usually early."

He flashed to a memory Ciara flushed and laying in his bed. "Yeah, um, I uh…"

"Is something concerning you, Ben?" Marlena asked, although she suspected she knew exactly what had him so distracted.

"Um, Ciara mentioned she told you about our, uh, plans. For helping her."

"She did," Marlena admitted coolly. "I freely admit there was a discussion surrounding your plans for, uh, 'intimacy training'—I believe she called it—with her. However, I can't share the details of another patient's—"

"Wait, no, I'm not asking you to—"

"Ah," she replied warming as she realized where his question was leading. "Well, then. Please, continue."

"Well," he began uncomfortably fidgeting. "I, uh, huh. It's hard for me to say this."

"I can see that," Marlena replied. "Take your time."

Ben took a deep breath. "When Ciara & I were talking about, um, about me helping her. We, uh, we talked about things, and some things came up. "

After an extended silence, Marlena spoke, "She did share your rules with me. They sound well-considered and very reasonable, but that level of honesty & openness… especially in addition to physical intimacy is sure to have an impact and bring up things for you as well."

"It did," Ben admitted. "I, uh, I found myself admitting to something I never had before. Something from, well, before."

"During your mental break."

"Yeah," he breathed. "We've talked about a lot of what I experienced and what from my past may have caused it, but this time, Ciara, ah, well, she, uh, she called me out on something—something I had always been terrified to admit out loud."

There was another long pause. "You mean that there was a sexual component to the murders for you."

Ben blew out a long breath. "You knew?" he asked in an oddly small voice.

"I suspected as did your doctors in the sanitarium. However, without confirmation from you…"

"Well." He refused to meet Marlena's gaze. "I guess now you have it. That kind of power and control was… it was almost an aphrodisiac to me. It, um, I still get, uh…"

"Are you saying your memories still arouse you?" Marlena asked neutrally. "Or are you beginning to have new fantasies?"

Ben fidgeted. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I swear to God, I don't, Dr. Evans."

"I understand."

"And I don't even go there consciously," he rushed to explain. "But sometimes, there are dreams. And when Ciara asked how I'd react to her asking me to choke her at some point—"

That caught Marlena of guard and she lifted her hand to get him to pause. "I wasn't aware you two were considering erotic asphyxiation."

"We're not. I'm not. I shut it down right away, Dr. Evans. I swear I did."

"Ben, I'm not accusing you of anything," Marlena said soothingly, seeing that he was misreading her reaction and freaking out.

While they had made a great deal of progress, his friendship with Ciara was proving a blessing and a curse for both young people. A blessing as they found unique sense of understanding and companionship in each other. A curse because unfortunately, Hope loathed it and while she had calmed significantly since her suspension, she remained fixated adamantly against their bond.

Her borderline irrational response to his presence in her daughter's life along with her position within the community and the police department made it exceedingly difficult for the young man to fully trust that his life was once again his own and this wasn't simply a detour that would end in him spending the rest of his life locked away in either prison or a sanitarium. That fear was an ever-present companion and one of the greatest challenges she was tasked with helping him overcome.

"Remember that you're safe here. Why don't you close your eyes, and take a some deep breaths? I want you to focus on the sound of my voice and really hear me, ok, Ben?"

"Ok, Dr. Evans."

"I'm glad you are bringing your concerns here to me. It shows you that you're willing to take the steps to deal with your issues head-on in a healthy manner." She watched as Ben calmed. "Why don't you take another moment collect your thoughts, before we continue?"

"Thank you, Dr. Evans." He took another deep breath. "I'm sorry for freaking out."

"It's fine, Ben. We dealing with a sensitive area. Ok, are you ready to continue?" Ben nodded. "Good. Now, to recap, while discussing the 'intimacy training' you & she are planning to engage in, Ciara brought up erotic asphyxiation. However, you immediately shut that idea down, correct?"

"Yes."

"But it has caused some memories to surface in your dreams. Is that everything?" Ben nodded. "Ok, let me start by saying that erotic asphyxiation or your arousal in those moments while potentially dangerous is not necessarily proof of anything negative." She saw more tension melt off of him. "It is reasonable that the sense of powerlessness you felt for so long at your father's hand would create an increased need for power & control that would present itself sexually."

Ben nodded. "But I took that farther than just a little sexplay, Dr. Evans."

"I'm well aware of that, Ben," Marlena replied. "What I'm trying to say is that there is no reason to think that need would immediately vanish because you've been taking the steps toward healing. There may come a time when you will want to integrate dominance or submission into your sexual experiences."

"But—"

"But that time is not now," she continued. "You're on the road to healing and your sexual & intimacy explorations may help you in that vein, but despite your sexual experience being more extensive, you are in some ways less emotionally mature than Ciara."

"So proceed with caution?"

"Basically," Marlena said. "Look, I can't tell you what to do in your own bedroom, but honestly, I see this as having a possibility for a lot of positive growth opportunities for both of you."

"Really?"

"Really." Marlena considered her patient. "And when the time is right for you, integrating dominance play into your sexual interactions may act as a healthy release for the unhealthy thoughts & feelings you likely still harber."

"Wow."

"Now, Ben, I'm going to ask you a very intimate question, ok?" Ben shifted uneasily but nodded. "Have you had sex of any form with anyone since your release for Shady Hills?"

Ben shook his head. "No," he whispered. "Who would want to be with a former serial killer?"

"Ben, you can't tell me that being a reformed serial killer has somehow affected your eyesight."

He frowned. "No."

"Then you know what you look like." Marlena withheld her smirk when he blushed. "So, I'm sure that there are those who would be interested in taking their chances on you. Besides Ciara."

"I guess," he admitted grudgingly. "But they're not interested in me. It's almost like they can't see past my notoriety."

"And your handsome face & well-maintained body, probably don't hurt."

He blushed brightly, pointing toward his body. "It's something I can control."

"That makes sense," she chuckled. "Look, all I'm saying is that you have your own journey to regain sexual autonomy to consider in this. Keep that in mind if you two do decide to go down this path, there are great potential benefits for both of you as you regain control of your intimate/sexual lives."

"Just proceed with caution."

"Exactly," she agreed. "And know I'm always here if you need to talk through anything."

A buzz fills the air. "I guess time's up."

Marlena nodded, and Ben moved to rise. "How are you feeling?"

"Better actually," he admitted. "It's hard to always be afraid of myself. But I guess as one of my biggest fears, it's one I'll eventually need to face in order to overcome it."

Marlena smiled & nodded. "And we'll continue our work to ensure that you have all the tools you need when that time comes."

"Thank you, Dr. Evans. Knowing you believe in me makes me believe I can really get through to the other side."

"Because you can," she said giving him a gentle smile. "You've already proven that with your progress. If you need to schedule any additional sessions to work through anything, you know I'm always here."

"I do, and you have no idea how much that means to me," Ben admitted, as he headed for the door. "See you next week, Dr. Evans."

"Bye, Ben." As soon as the door closed behind him, Marlena placed a call. "John, honey. Any plans for lunch? Because I was thinking we could meet at home for an hour…"

* * *

Ciara let herself into the loft after her class, hoping Claire & her model squad wouldn't be there. "You just missed her," Tripp said seeing Ciara trying to ease into the loft.

She heaved a sigh. "Thank gawd!" Ciara dropped her bags on the countertop. "That girl has been extra crazy since she got her little crew of model friends. And the nerve trying to set me up without my approval."

Tripp rose from the couch & walked over to the kitchen and tossed his empty water bottle before reaching for another as Ciara stretched. "So that's why you haven't been around much lately," he said as nonchalantly as possible. "I thought it might have been because of us."

"There is no us anymore," Ciara said, pulling out her laptop & her textbooks. "We're friends. I don't see why things would need to be weird." She paused to look up. "Unless you have a new girlfriend or you & Claire finally-"

"No!" Tripp shouted spinning to face Ciara, whose eyes widened at the vehemence of his denial. "I mean, no. I'm not seeing anyone." He cleared his throat. "I mean, are you? Is that where you've been hiding?"

"Nope," she replied, smile awkwardly as she accepted the water bottle he offered her. "I'm not doing the dating thing. I'm committed to me. School, therapy, & hanging out with friends occasionally is all I can handle right now. That's a big part of why we're not together. You know that."

"A big part," Tripp echoed. "But not all?"

Ciara tensed. "Tripp—"

"Ciara, I told you I was willing to wait."

"And I told you that you shouldn't," Ciara shot back. "Hell, I told you that you should explore your feelings for Claire." She saw him about to argue and hurriedly continued, "And I meant that. I want you to be happy. I want us all to be happy. I just know for me that means being single, so I wanted to end things before either of us got in too deep."

"Too late," he replied forlornly.

"Bullshit!" she snapped growing strangely agitated.

"Excuse me?! I think I know my own feelings, and I'm in love with  **you** , not Claire."

"Well, as much as I hate to repeat myself," Ciara replied. "Bullshit! I caught you at least twice in intimate situations with Claire. If you were in love with me, it would never have happened once, let alone twice. Claire didn't hold you down and strip you naked on that couch, Tripp. And when I caught you two kissing? Claire wasn't in that moment by herself. You made a choice because some part of you wanted Claire. Or maybe you just wanted what you couldn't have, but we both deserved better than to hold onto a rebound that had run its course."

"You said you forgave me & understood."

"I do!" Ciara sighed, and began packing up her things. "I understand that when Theo & Claire rejected us, we leaned on each other, and ended up mistaking our friendship for a hell of a lot more than it was. We rushed into thing and made a mess of it. I forgave us both a long time ago, Tripp, but that doesn't mean we can go back. Or that I want to."

"How can you be so cold?" Tripp asked sadly reaching out to take her hand. "We were falling in love. Those feelings can't just have disappeared."

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Tripp," Ciara swore. "But I can't pretend to feel something I don't. We were becoming friends and we rebounded when the people who had our hearts rejected us. I'd like to think we can get back to the friendship eventually, but that's all I have to give you. I'm sorry if that hurts you. But lying will only give you false hope and hurt you more later. It's just how I feel." She pulled her hand away to grab her bag. "Look, I have a study group tonight, I was going to try to get some work done here, but I think I'm gonna head over early." She paused and pressed a kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Tripp."***

And as Tripp stood frozen in pain and shock, Ciara left him and the loft behind.


	9. Grandpa Vic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this update without even realizing it at first because the muse was still on me. So now I have 9, and part of 10 finished. I let y'all vote on whether I should stick with the muse or put you out of your misery now so… you win! May the odds be ever in your favor. lol Hope you all are still enjoying this story! If you have any questions or requests, you can tweet me @only1tonid with #SafeCin. I'll do my best to respond.
> 
> *Warning: Rated T as there may be some strong language.*

Ben used his walk home from Marlena's office to mull over everything they'd just discussed and how it may affect things with Ciara going forward. So, he missed the suited men trailing him until he bumped into one of them. "Excuse me, " he mumbled and tried to move around him.

The man put his hand up to stop him. Ben frowned, and opened his mouth to complain when he noticed two other men joining them and boxing him in. "Look, I don't want any trouble."

"Mr. Kiriakis would like a word," the first man in a suit intoned with a tilt of his head.

Ben turned in the direction of the man's head tilt and found a limousine pulling up to the curb. He considered his options and decided not to fight yet. "Lead the way," he settled on with a sigh.

The guy behind him pushed him forward and Ben bit his lip to avoid snapping at him. He followed the main guy and slid into the limo door. It slammed shut behind him. From the dark of the front seat, Ben saw him emerge. "Hello, Mr. Kiriarkis."

Victor eyed him. "What do I call you anyway, Oliver or Benjamin?"

"Uh, most people call me 'Ben', sir," he replied respectfully. He tried to strike the right balance without showing fear or disrespect. Ben didn't know what to expect, but he hoped since this meeting was in broad daylight, that he at least wasn't looking his death in the eye. "How can I help you, Mr. Kiriakis?"

"How do you think you can help me, Ben?" Victor asked sarcastically. "You've been spending a lot of time with my granddaughter."

Ben knew this was coming but swallowed as he considered his words carefully. "Ciara has proven to be the kindest, most loyal friend anyone could ever have, and I'm blessed to have her in my life."

"I'm well-aware of the incredible young woman my granddaughter is," Vic replied. "What I want to know is why despite her mother's incompetent attempts to get rid of you, my little CiCi is spending the night alone with a serial killer. Especially when the trust fund I set up for her is paying for that loft she lives in with my great-granddaughter and that little blonde boy."

His eyes got wide, and he grew still. "Well, like I said, we're friends. And when Claire is being particularly energetic, she likes to come to my place to study. She fell asleep last night after an argument with her mom. Nothing happened. I would never hurt or take advantage of Ciara, sir. Never. I would protect her with my life, even from myself. I swear."

Victor watched him consideringly. "Why should I trust a serial killer's word on anything? Especially with my precious girl?"

"I can assure you that time is behind me," he replied. "I was going through a mental break, but I'm stronger now. I could have hurt Ciara at any time from the moment I found her after she crashed her father's bike. Instead, I have done nothing, but care for and protect her to the best of my ability. And I will continue to do that for as long as she will let me."

"You think it will matter what Ciara wants?"

Ben smirked, refusing to be cowed. "What Ciara wants is all that matters." He tilted his head. "I'm not afraid to die for her, whatever that means."

Victor stared him down, and Ben didn't flinch. He tapped his cane against the roof of the limo, and it started to move. "I've decided to give you a chance to prove yourself worthy of my granddaughter's time. You're going to come to work for me."

"I already have a job."

"At that little motorcycle garage. I'm aware," Victor acknowledged. "They've already received your notice. Along with every other business in Salem. You will accept this chance to prove yourself to me or you are leaving Salem & my granddaughter behind, one way or another."

Ben held Victor's gaze and felt the chill that let him know that Victor Kiriakis meant exactly what Ben thought he did. "I expect confirmation that you're ready to work for me or leave town by Monday morning when you are expected to start." The limo stopped. "Now get out, Weston."

Before he could fully prepare himself, the door was jerked open, and he was being yanked out. Off-balance, he was unable to catch himself as he was thrown out of the limo. Moments later, the guards were gone, and so was the limo.

"Ben!" a familiar voice yelled fearfully as he moved to get to his feet. "Ben!"

Ciara skidded to a halt, immediately bending to help him up. "I'm fine," Ben assured her, as he dusted himself off.

"What was that all about?" Ciara asked frantically checking him for injuries. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Who did this?"

"Ci, Ci, Ciara!" Ben grabbed her roaming hands. "I'm fine. I swear. Let's go back to my place, ok?"

She stared up at him in concern for a moment before nodding. "But you have to tell me what's going on." Ben sighed and opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. "The truth. You promised me that you know."

He let a breath go. "I remember, and I meant it. Let's just get inside."

"I need to find my bag and pray my laptop survived first."

* * *

Ben & Ciara sat side-by-side on the couch. She stared straight ahead deep in thought, playing with her hands as she listened to him recount what happened on his walk home from Marlena's office. While he spoke, he never made eye contact, instead choosing to close his eyes & rest his head angst the back of the sofa. "As promised, total honesty."

"So… you met Grandpa Vic."

"I did."

"And it would appear it went surprisingly well."

Ben started to nod but paused frowning. He turned his head to peak at her, and then hesitated. "You may have a point."

"He didn't have you killed, beaten, or framed for a murder you didn't commit to keep you away from me," Ciara said, turning to rest her cheek against the back of the couch to look at him.

"True.

"And he even offered you a job, although doing what I have no clue, but hopefully nothing illegal," she continued with a shrug. "Lord, knows he pays well so there's that."

"Good point," he agreed. "Although, I haven't decided whether to accept his 'generous offer' yet."

"Mm-hmm, wait, what?" She shot upright to stare incredulously.

Ben glanced over again. "I said, I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet?"

"Really?" Ciara demanded. "My grandfather the mafia don gives you a choice: Work for him or disappear from my life by any means necessary… and you haven't decided what you're going to do?" She placed her hand on his forehead to check his temperature and then held up two fingers in front of him. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Ciara, I told you I'm fine."

"Well, something must be wrong with you," she hissed. "Because you're sounding fucking delirious! Maybe I should be asking you if  **you**  have a death wish."

"Come on, Ci."

She pauses and pulls away, refusing to meet his gaze. "I mean, unless you're finally sick of the drama I bring to your life," she practically whispered, pulling her knees to her chest and tucking her chin into them. "Because if so, I get it. First, you have enough to deal with trying to get this town to see that you're not just some deranged serial killer."

"Ciara, no." His eyes bulged as they darted towards her in concern.

"Then there's my mom & stepdad being completely ridiculous and trying to pen that stupid fire on you over and over."

"Ci, please, listen to me." He reached for her, but she scooted farther away.

"And it took me so long to really trust you after I promised I would. I screwed up so bad, but I thought we really got past it all."

"We did, Ciara, don't cry."

"Now, my grandfather does this," she choked out. "I get it, I promise. I'm not mad. I'll miss you. God, so much, but I swear I'm not mad. Just please can you call me sometimes or maybe email."

"Ciara, stop!" He grabbed her arms shaking lightly. "Look at me." Ciara kept her face averted to hide her tears. "Rockstar, please." Unable to resist, she met his gaze. "I'm not leaving you if I can help it. I swear. I never lie to you. We promised each other honest. I swear on my sister's life, there is nowhere in this world that I would rather be than with you. I'm not leaving you."

"You're staying?"

"You asked me to stay once before," he replied. "You don't even have to ask this time. You're stuck with me."

Ciara wiped her tears as subtly as possible. "Sorry for overreacting like that, I guess I just kinda jumped to conclusions. Sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Ben demanded gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "I was thinking and didn't realize how it sounded. Let me explain, ok?" She nodded. "I know how organized crime works and it's important that I not allow him to think he can push me around or like any bully he will. No offense."

"None taken," she mumbled thinking. "Makes sense, I guess. And now I feel even more stupid for overreacting like that."

"Don't," he shot back. "It means the world to me just knowing you value our friendship as much as I do."

She rolled her eyes and scooted closer to him. "Of course, I do. I don't fight with my mom & everyone in my life for my health," she taunted. "But what are you gonna do?"

"I'll figure it out," Ben said. "Don't worry about it. I have until Monday to come up with what I'm going to do. In the meantime, why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Beyond the fact that my grandfather is threatening to kill you if you don't come to work for him?"

"You were upset before you saw me."

"How would you know? You were kind of busy being thrown out of a limo."

"You only walk when you need to think," Ben replied. "So, spill it. Where were you coming from and what happened?"

"I went back to the loft," she finally admitted, resting her head on his shoulder. "Tripp was there."

Ben took a breath and her hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. There isn't anything to talk about to be honest," she grumbled.

"Really."

"Ok." She sighed. "Look, he's… having trouble letting go."

Ben stiffened. "Did he do something to, um, to upset you?"

"I guess," she admitted, until she felt him tense. Ciara pulled back to look at him & frowned when she noticed his darkening expression. Her eyes widened as it hit her. "Not  **physically**. It—it just made me sad to see him struggling. I had to be more… direct to get through to him, and I hate that I had to hurt him again."

He calmed down immediately feeling relieved and yet bad for both of them. "I'm sorry." He paused. "Are you sure you really want it to be over, though? It might not be too late."

"For me, it is," Ciara responded firmly. "It's been too late for a very long time. No, it wasn't the easy thing, but it was the right thing. In fact, it's part of why I was so upset. I knew it was providing him closure, but I felt guilty that I was so relieved when I could see it was hurting him."

"It may hurt now, but it's better than holding on until you start to resent each other or worse, one of you cheats."

"Also, true," she sighed resting her head on his shoulder. "Besides, it might interfere with my efforts to get in your pants."

Ben choked, and Ciara looked up at him revealing her laughing grin. "You are dangerous." She released the laughter she'd been holding in. "I don't know why you're laughing considering you have work to do."

"I do?"

"Yeah, in case you forgot in all the junk that's happened, we did complete a stage this morning."

"We did, didn't we?" she agreed eying him up and down, as her finger played with his shirt. "I would say we're on stage 2."

"Or we will be after I get my shower," he said as hopped up without warning. He padded to his dresser and grabbed out underwear & pajamas. "I'm gonna get comfortable, and then I'm putting you to work."

"No, need to get all dressed on my account," Ciara called watching him.

"Behave yourself, horndog," he quipped. "Besides, you had a class today, and I figure you have plenty other assignments to think about for now."

"Ugh!" she groaned. "Go wash your ass and leave me to struggle with statistics in peace."

"Eesh." He frowned. "I'll leave you to it then."


	10. Remember to Behave

Ben slipped out of the shower unnoticed. Ciara was so deep in her studies that she didn't even notice him. He shrugged & headed for the kitchen in a wife beater & lounge pants. Ben started pulling out food to make them dinner. He was sliding the casserole dish in the oven, when Ciara finally came up for air.

"Ugh," she groaned, throwing down her pen. "I'm done."

"Need a break?" he asked, setting a timer.

Ciara's head shot up in surprise. "Gawd, do I?" She sighed, as she packed up her things. "To be honest, I think I'm done for tonight. I have study group tomorrow anyway. I'll finish it then."

"Well, we got 45 to an hour until dinner is ready," Ben mentioned. "Wanna try to see how much we can accomplish in Stage 2?"

Her head shot up. "Sounds like a plan to me. That is if you bother to tell me what that entails."

He walked over to the couch, took her hand, and helped her to her feet. "All you have to do is return the favor," he answered. "Should I lay on my stomach or my back?"

Ciara looked him up and down. "On your stomach, and feel free to ditch the shirt."

"You're getting ahead of yourself, Ci," Ben chuckled as he laid down face first on his bed. "Remember to behave."

"I could be giving head to you if you weren't being such a stick in the mud," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" he said, lifting his head to look at her over his shoulder.

"Nothing," she chirped innocently. "Just trying to decide where to start."

"Uh-huh," he grunted, laying his head back down. "It's up to you, but just remember to behave."

"I remember, Ben," she huffed rolling her eyes & rubbing her hands together. "I think I'm gonna start at the bottom, too." Ciara started at his toes. "You know, feet usually gross me out."

"Do they?"

"They do, but yours don't bother me," she said conversationally as she ran her hands over his feet. "They're clean for one, but they're also strong and oddly smooth. I don't know why I thought your feet would be rough. Maybe because your hands are a bit calloused."

"I've always worked with my hands," Ben explained. "My dad taught me the illegal ways to make money, but when Jordan & I went out on our own, manual labor was an easy way for me to get work and help Jordan support us without papers. Sorry if I've been too rough—"

"No, Ben, it's fine," she assured him as her hands worked their way over his calves sliding under his pants slightly for a moment. "I like that your hands are a little rugged. Makes me feel delicate. Like these coarse, little hairs on your legs."

"Oh."

Ciara gave the flesh under her hands a squeeze. "Your body is so muscly." She sounded mesmerized as she continued to feel her way up his body. "You are so strong. I forget sometimes because you're so… contained and gentle." She squeezed his thighs. "Maybe that's why every one of your touches is so powerful. The controlled strength is really arousing to me."

He sucked in a breath when it appeared she would break the rules and touch his buttocks, but she slid up over his hips like he had done her that morning. Ben bit his lip as her hands met at the small of his back. He felt her fingers slip under his tank for a moment before sliding up over his back. "Ciara."

"Yeah," she whispered, leaning forward and biting his neck. She climbed onto his hips while her hands worked the knots in his muscle. "You're so tight. So tense." Ciara continued, massaging Ben's back working towards his neck, but she never lifted her lips from his skin. Her mouth kissed, nibbled & sucked every bare inch of skin hungrily. "And you taste so good. It makes me wonder if you taste even better in other places."

Ben growled as he continued trying to control himself as she tempted him. The way she released knots of tension from his body only to replace it with another type of tension. "Ci-ar-a."

"I have to admit part of why I love that you have so much self-control is that it makes me feel free to explore and test my own limits," she admitted before biting down on the spot where his neck and shoulder met. "It's like no matter what, I can trust you & you'll be there."

"I will," he swore as her fingers tunneled through his hair and began massaging his head.

"I know. Now, flip over. This time, I'll start at the top and work my way down."

Without a thought, he did as she asked, considering the consequences after her denim-covered heat met his erection. "Ci-"

She silenced him with her mouth on his. And he was so mesmerized by her needy kiss that it took her hips rocking against his to break the spell. "Y-yellow," he whispered gripping her hips desperately.

"Your self-control strikes again."

"Just sit on my stomach or my thighs, but not my… um…"

"Your cock?"

"I was going to say my hips, but yeah," he answered.

"Is that all?" she pouted slightly but slid forward onto his tight stomach. Ciara lifted his hands from her body & placed them at his sides.

"For now."

"Good" was her only response before kissing him again. Her mouth echoed their journey as she let her fingers slide free of his lush, dark hair over the planes of his face to his neck and on down toward his chest. "I really love the way you smell… the way you feel… the way you taste."

Ben grunted helplessly and let his hands slip into the thick curly mass of her hair.

She slid down his body, rubbing her face against his chest as her hands trailed down his torso. She turned her head suddenly and bit his nipple through his clothes. "Ever since you agreed to make love to me, I've been having fantasies of what we could do to each other. I mean, it wasn't the first time… seeing you walk around in just a towel in the loft didn't help. But I used to suppress it because I was involved with someone else and you were my friend."

"And now?" he asked, as she lifted the hem of his shirt slightly.

"Now, I can't stop thinking about how much I want to touch and be touched by you," she admitted as a finger trailed around his naval.

His eyes snapped shut as a shiver went through him. Moments later, he felt something damp replace her finger in bellybutton. "Ciara!" he gasped.

"Mmm," Ciara hummed while pulling his shirt back down. "Sorry. I've been curious how you taste just there since the cabin."

Ben gulped and nodded.

Ciara took that as approval to continue and slid her body down his legs. His thighs kept tensing under her hands and his hands kept flexing in her hair. She rubbed her nose along his abdomen. "You have the V. Do you know how hot that is?"

"I may—ah!—have heard that somewhere," he groaned, gasping when she gently bit down on his pelvic bone through his pajama pants.

"It's true." She made a concerted effort to avoid Ben's erection as it grew inside his pajamas. "There's a lot sexy about you. I would probably fantasize about you even if we weren't friends. Especially if we weren't."

"Really?"

"Definitely," she whispered over his hard on, before leaning down and biting his thigh.

"Ciara, you're pushing it," he rasped out, his fingers flexing against Ciara's scalp.

"Oh, am I?" Ciara giggled. Staring him in his eyes, she dragged her nails down his thighs. "How about now?"

Ben suddenly saw red and dragged her mouth to his. She met him eagerly, but she quickly saw the error in her teasing, when she was whipped onto her back. His mouth tore from her and latched on her neck.

"Ben," she gasped, feeling almost delirious with desire & anticipation.

One hand released her head & gripped her thigh as he began pulling it over his hip. He ground himself into her where she needed it most. She was overwhelmed by waves of pleasure & excitement, but with the faintest edge of panic mixed in. Ciara opened her mouth to beg for… something.

Suddenly, a loud beeping cut through the air. Ben froze with his mouth on her clavicle and the fingers gripping her thighs only inches from cupping her butt. He pulled back and met her gaze. "Dinner's ready," he practically growled, his eyes a mix of heat & regret.


	11. Trust Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is gonna be the smuttiest update yet, but both characters will remain fully clothed… Definitely not the dirtiest thing you've probably read… but it's going to involve masturbation and Ben talking dirty. So, yeah. Here's hoping you all are still enjoying this story! [Side note: Big love to everyone who reviews here, on FF.net, or on Twitter.]

Ciara watched Ben with no small amount of frustration. He had refused to look at her since she had managed to snap Ben's self-control for a moment, which had been equal parts exhilarating & terrifying. To know she had that kind of effect over him was a very heady feeling, but unfortunately, the aftermath had left something to be desired.

When the kitchen timer had gone off, Ben had snapped back in control of himself, and immediately jumped off the bed & rushed to the kitchen. And now he was being distant, physically & emotionally. She knew they would have to talk if they wanted to get things back on track, but she wasn't sure where to even start. Ben hadn't even acknowledged her presence since he placed a plate in front of her and sat down to share the meal at the dining room table.

"You're staring," he pointed out without looking up.

"How would you know when you won't even look at me?" she shot back without thinking.

He flinched. "I guess that's fair."

"I'm sorry for pushing you so hard," she said, setting down her fork. "I was just having fun touching you, & I trust you so much."

"I'm sorry I proved unworthy of your trust," he quietly responded staring at his plate as he picked up a bite on his fork. "I hate that I ruined everything like that."

"What are you talking about?" Ciara gasped. "You haven't ruined anything. If anything, I realized just how much I **can** trust you."

"Ciara," he said warningly.

"What? I mean it."

"You don't have to lie to spare my feelings. You promised me you would be honest."

"I'm not lying, Ben!" He tossed her a disbelieving look and shook his head before refocusing on his food. "I'm not! I do trust you, Ben. In fact, I probably trust you now more than ever."

"Bull shit, Ciara," he hissed meeting her gaze angrily. "You were scared of me! I practically  **mauled**  you, and you were terrified. I know you care about me, but you don't have to lie or pretend you still want a savage like me when you clearly don't. I'll still be your friend no matter what."

"You idiot!" Ciara snapped, making Ben's anger spike slightly. "I wasn't afraid of  **you**! I'm petrified of sex, period. I was scared that I wasn't ready and that you would be mad at me if I asked to stop! Hell, I was afraid you would be mad at me if I didn't. It was never about you, Ben! It was about me." Ciara released the breath she was holding when she saw the tension melting from his frame. "This whole 'intimacy training' or whatever is about me overcoming my fears. Fears that were there long before we ever became friends, Ben! You know that. I wrote a check I wasn't sure my ass was ready to cash… no matter how much I wanted to. And I was afraid, but never **of** you **."**

"If you were overwhelmed, all you had to do was say so. I would have stopped immediately, I swear."

She reached across the table and took his hand. "I know that, Ben. Hell, I didn't even hear the kitchen timer go off at first because I was so lost in my own head. It wasn't until you spoke that it even registered for me. And I'm sure you would have reacted just as urgently if I had asked you to slow down or stop. Why wouldn't I trust you?"

"How can you have so much faith in me, Ci?" he asked confused but clinging to her hand in his. "You said a big part of your faith in me was that you trusted me to be your safety net while you explored your limits. But I broke when you needed me to be strong."

"Ben, I knew damn well that I was playing with fire by teasing you," Ciara explained. "If I'm being honest, I was really enjoying the burn. Besides, you **are** only human, and I **am** pretty irresistible."

They shared a laugh. "That is true. I just can't stand the idea of scaring or hurting you."

"This isn't going to be easy, but I can pretty much guarantee you that my days of fearing you are long gone," Ciara chuckled.

"The cabin."

"Yeah, but even then, there was a part of me that knew you would never ever hurt me." She squeezed his hand, before digging into the last of her food. "And you proved me right again & again… just like you did tonight. I wish you had even half as much faith in yourself as I have in you."

"I do, too," Ben admitted, getting up to put his dishes in the sink. "But I'll get there eventually."

Ciara finished her last bite. "You better," she teased as she handed her plate to him. "But now that we settled that, I was thinking we could maybe pick up where we left off. Seemed like we were on the verge of starting Stage 3 so…"

"Are you serious?" Ben asked. glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "Didn't all that kind of ruin the mood?"

"Ok, kinda, but not permanently," she said. "Or it doesn't have to be."

"And what about your fears?" he asked, turning to face her with an eyebrow raised as he dried his hands.

"Still holding a lease in here sadly," she admitted, tapping her forehead. "But we're working on that eviction, so I think as long as there are guidelines for now, we should be good. I pushed a little too far too fast, but only a little. I still think I'm ready for us to explore the next level."

"Oh, you are, are you?" he asked.

Ciara rose on her tip toes to kiss him. "I am." She pulled him down and kissed him slow & deep.

Ben lifted her off her feet, and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the couch and set her down. He pulled back. "Stay," he whispered, and then he sat on the computer chair instead of beside her.

"What-?"

"We're going to do a transitional exercise, and then you're going home."

"But why?"

"We've been dealing with a lot in a short amount of time, and if I'm being honest, I'm feeling overwhelmed myself," Ben admitted. "So, after this, we're going to spend the night apart. Catch our breath and then… if you're up for it, maybe we can do something for lunch or dinner tomorrow."

Ciara considered his words. "My first reaction is to be hurt, and feel like it's personal," she said, determined to be honest even as he tensed, "which I guess it is. But I know you would rather take a punch to the nose than hurt me, honesty or no honesty. So, as I really consider it, you're probably right." She chuckled when he released the breath he was holding. "And I am absolutely up for hanging with you any time tomorrow."

Ben grinned. "Good."

"Now what do you have in mind for this little exercise?"

"You're going to masturbate for me."

"I'm going to do what?" she goggled before laughing nervously. "Aren't we skipping a stage? Because I'm pretty sure the nudity thing isn't supposed to be until at least Stage 4."

"You're not taking off your clothes for me yet," Ben clarified. "You're gonna do this fully clothed."

Ciara swallowed. "I am?"

"Yep," he said with a smirk. "I'm going to talk you through it."

"You have got to be kidding me… right?"

"Not even a little," Ben stated, licking his lips as he looks her up and down. "You're just going to listen to my voice and my words, and if you trust me to guide you, I promise we'll both be satisfied."

"So, you're going to…"

"Nope." He shook his head. "Just you."

"How-"

"Just trust me," he reiterated. "Now close your eyes. I can't wait to see you cum for me."

Ciara's eyes slammed shut, and her heart raced. She was so confused yet the idea of putting on a show… of masturbating and cumming for his eyes only… a part of her was so embarrassed by just the possibility of anyone seeing her do something so private, but another part was excited by the elicit fantasy come true. A fantasy she could never imagine admitting to out loud. So, she released a deep breath, laid back on the couch, and said, "Ok."

"There are so many ways I've imagined making you cum for the first time," he began.

His voice was taking on that deep, husky tone that always made her rub her thighs together even before she'd ever fully considered them being more intimate. Now, she didn't try to hide her reaction.

"I fantasized about it so many times, I was afraid I was becoming obsessed. The first time I imagined us making love… with you staring at me with those big blue eyes so hungry and desperate for my cock."

Ciara's stomach knotted.

"You would be so hot and wet for me. I would ease my way into you tight, hot pussy inch by inch until you were full of me. Squirming for me. I can tell that pretty kitty is getting all hot and sticky for me right now. Isn't it, Ciara?"

She swallowed heavily as her breaths became shallow.

"Are you imagining me filling you up over and over and over again? You would love for me to stuff you hard and deep, wouldn't you? I would make it is so good for you. Hit every spot." Ben's voice deepened, "If I ever get inside that pussy, I'm going to put my name on it. I'll ruin that hungry kitty until you can't even get wet without thinking of me."

"Mmm," she hummed, lost in the fantasy he was weaving in her mind. She felt shivers of arousal all over skin. The muscles of her belly and lower knotted with tension.

"Why don't you unbutton your jeans?" Ben suggested, to which Ciara immediately complied. "Now my favorite fantasy about making you come, involved me suffocating to death between your legs."

"Ah!"

"Why don't you caress your breasts?" he suggested, throwing her off before she could wedge her hand inside her panties.

"Huh?" she groaned in frustration.

"Just to relieve the tension a little," he continued smoothly. "Go on cup them in your hands. Good girl. In my fantasy, I would be licking every inch of your body until you were a quivering mass of pleasure and anticipation. I would nibble that spot behind your ear that sends a shiver down your spine."

Ciara let his words suck her in until she could almost feel his tongue on her skin.

"While my tongue was slowly working its way down your body, I would fill my hands with your breasts. Squeezing, shaping, molding until your nipples were tight and begging. But I wouldn't touch them yet."

Ciara whimpered as she used her hands in place of his, her mind lost in the image of him making her feel good.

"I would tease those pretty titties a little bit circling around and round the areola but refusing to give your nipple any attention."

"Please," she begged, lost in the fantasy of being held in his hands.

"When you couldn't wait a moment longer, I would brush my thumbs over those needy peaks so lightly." He paused when she released a particularly desperate moan. "By then, my mouth would be there begging for a taste. As I pinched and rolled your nipples, I would lick that needy peak." Ben had to bite a lip, when he saw he squirm and rub her thighs together once again. "You like my mouth on you?"

"Yes," she breathed.

"Good," he practically growled. "While my mouth is devouring your breast, one of my hands can't resist continuing its journey." He watched a hand release her other breast and slide lower. "I can't resist dipping my finger in that sweet little innie… feeling your muscles tense and release in anticipation of what I'm going to do next… how I'm going to touch you."

Ciara's hand followed his words.

"Then I would slide my hand lower and lower until I reached the curve of your thigh. I would slide down to the delicate flesh of your pussy."

Ciara shivered hearing that word from his mouth again. Ben's voice was weaving a sensual world around her. A wet & wild world of heat & passion that almost drove her mad with want. She slipped her hand inside her jeans, needing to relieve the pressure building in her clit. "Ah!" she gasped at the first touch.

"You feel my fingers sliding between your sloppy wet lips, don't you?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"You feel my finger pressing on your throbbing clit?" he asked.

"Nngh!" she groaned.

"Slide your hand down to caress your lips," he ordered her breathing heavy. "Now, pull it out. Let me see how wet you are for me."

Ciara did as he bid pulling her hand free of her tight jeans and showing him her glistening fingers. She opened her eyes to see his reaction and moaned. He was gripping the arms of the chair so hard the veins in his arms were bulging & his knuckles were turning white. And when she met his eyes… A full-body shiver overwhelmed her & her heart raced at the barely controlled inferno turning his molten chocolate almost black.

Ben leaned forward suddenly and grabbed her hand. Ciara squeaked in surprise at his sudden move. Staring deeply into her eyes, he brought her hand to his mouth. His tongue came out and slowly bathed each digit meticulously until they were clean, but damp with his saliva… and Ciara was a whimpering mess. Then, he sucked her fingers into his mouth, and she moaned throatily. He pulled her hand free of his mouth with a pop. "Slide your hand back into your panties. Imagine your saliva-coated fingers are my tongue."

"Ah!" she gasped as she followed his instructions. Her eyes slipped closed for a second, but when she opened them, Ciara once again found herself drowning in the raging flames in his hungry gaze.

"God! You taste so damn good," he groaned, licking his lips, and dropping his gaze to follow her hand. "I can't wait until I'm on my knees between your thighs. I'd dance the tip of my tongue around your swollen, little clitty. Around and around until you're desperate for me to play. Then, I'll tap it once."

"Ohhhh."

"Just once, because I would need to taste more of your sweet pussy." Ben bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to maintain focus & control of his arousal. "I'd slide my tongue between your lips & around your entrance. I'd lap up your essence... all that wetness just for me. Isn't it?"

"Yes," Ciara breathed, her fingers working between her clit and her vagina desperately seeking her peak.

"I'd lick & suck that clitty so hard."

"Please," she begged, getting closer to her climax. She was so lost now the she was openly playing with her breast & riding her hand desperately.

"And just before I make you cum, I'd slide my finger onto your clit and stick my tongue deep inside you, so I can taste every ounce of the cum you would gush all over my face."

That was the final straw. Ciara erupted like she never had with strangled scream of satisfaction.

Ben immediately knelt beside her talking her down as he brushed kisses over her forehead and neck. "You smell delicious," he whispered, setting off another aftershock. "I'm going to make you a bath before you go, ok?"

"Ok," she whimpered tiredly, as Ben rose to follow through on his promise. "No, wait, don't," she amended. "I'll be too tired to go home if I take a bath. I'll just take a shower."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked, eying her as she stretched like a cat that got the cream.

"Mmm, yeah," she affirmed, rising to stand in front of him. She pulled him down for a quick kiss. "Thanks."

Ben grinned. "You're more than welcome."

Ciara snickered. "I'll be quick."

Ben was left watching as she snatched up a change of clothes and scurried into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed on her, he flopped on the couch, gripping the base of his erection through his pants with a desperate groan. "I swear she's gonna be the death of me."

* * *

"You sure you don't want me to postpone my rideshare and 'return the favor' again?" Ciara asked, as she broke their kiss against his front door. Ben had finished cleaning up the kitchen and called for her ride while she showered, and now she had him pushed up against the front door sharing a goodbye kiss.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" he chuckled, stealing a quick kiss. "You know we don't have that kind of time right now, and to be honest, I'm nearing end of my reserves of self-control."

"Fine." She pouted. A moment later, an alert dinged on Ben's phone. "That's my cue."

"That it is," he agreed, pulling her in for one last slow kiss. When he pulled away, he moved away from the door, and opened so he could walk her to the waiting car. Once there, he brushed a stray curl behind her ear. She leaned in as if to kiss him, but he took a step back. "Remember to behave."

When she saw his eyes darting around, realization hit her, and she remembered not only his earlier revelation that her grandfather was having her followed, but that they had rules against PDA. "Sorry."

"I'm not." Ben hugged her tightly, and then helped her into the car. He watched until the car turned out of sight. He walked back to his apartment letting the cool night air calm him as he fully grasped what he needed to do next.


	12. Negotiating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be less sexy, more plot. See! I do suck at smut! Whoever heard of a smut fic with all this plot! lol Hope you all are still enjoying it anyway!

Ciara was focused. She woke up early determined to fix at least one mess her presence in Ben's life had created. And now she stood at the front door of her Grandpa Vic's mansion ready to read him the riot act. Taking a deep breath, she let herself in. "Grandpa?" she called out.

  
"Is that my little CiCi?" Victor called back from the staircase above. "To what do I owe this honor?"

  
She frowned as she saw him slowly making his way downstairs. She rushed to his side. "Let me help you, Grandpa Vic."

  
"You're a good girl," he cooed, looping his arm through hers as they made their way. "Especially since you clearly came planning to give me a piece of your mind."

  
"How did—?"

  
Victor laughed as he reached the landing and led his beloved granddaughter into the living room. "I'm very familiar with the way you defiantly stormed in with that determined, protective look on your face."

  
Ciara blinked. "You are?"

  
He chuckled as he settled into his favorite chair. "I've seen your father behave in much the same way enough times to be quite familiar."

  
Ciara blushed. "Really?" she whispered almost hopefully, as she sat down near him. Victor nodded fondly. Ciara smiled for a moment soaking that in before shaking her head. "Then you know exactly why I'm here and that no amount of comparing me to Dad is going to get me to back down."

  
"I'm expecting to be roundly chewed out," he said with no small amount of amusement. "I should have known your little friend wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut."

  
Ciara's resolve firmed. "He's one of my best friends," she asserted. "We don't lie to each other, Grandpa Vic. And I am sick of this habit the people I love have of attacking him for his past."

  
"He's a serial killer."

  
"And you're a mob boss," she shot back without hesitation. “Which means when you ordered a hit you were making money off of it.”

  
"Allegedly," Victor smirked. "I have never been sloppy nor incompetent enough to be convicted of anything that might require jail time or time in a nuthouse."

  
"He had a mental break," Ciara defended.

  
"A weak mind is strike one," he retorted.

  
She groaned. "He is not weak," Ciara growled. "That man has been through more with his insane father than anyone can imagine. He had a break from reality, but he's only stronger for it. And he is changing for the better. He's rebuilding his life piece by piece as people spit in his face left & right… and Ben is still choosing to do it the right way." Ciara rose to her feet. "And I refuse to let anyone ruin all of his hard work! Not my mom or Rafe, and for damn sure, not you, Grandpa!"

  
"I just offered him a job, Ciara," Victor huffed. "No need for these dramatics."

  
"Grandpa, I am not a little girl anymore." She met his gaze head on. "I've been through my share of crap, and you can't offer some convenient lie or half-truth to placate me or pat me on the head & send me off to play. I know you gave him an ultimatum demanding he work for you or else. And I am fully aware of exactly what you meant by that ‘or else’."

  
"Ciara, dear—"

  
"Look, I know you think you're protecting me by doing this," Ciara continued, pleadingly. "And I love you for that, but you don't need to protect me from Ben. He's not that person anymore. And he's growing stronger every day.” Ciara stopped pacing to plant herself directly in front of her grandfather. “But if you think you're gonna drag him into your criminal enterprise in order to force him out of town or out of my life… or to frame him or something, you need to think again. I will not allow someone I care about as much as I do Ben to be hurt in my name, so you need to back off."

  
When Ciara finished her speech, Victor stared at his granddaughter for a long while. "You're in love with him."

  
She gasped, "Excuse me, what?"

  
"You heard me perfectly well. You're in love with Weston."

  
"Am I in love with Ben?” she echoed in shock & confusion. “Grandpa, no, I'm not. He's my friend. I told you that, but--"

  
He waved his hand brushing her argument off. "I wasn't asking a question, but to set your mind at ease, I have no intention of involving him in my hypothetical 'criminal enterprise' at this time."

  
"You don't?"

  
"No, I intend to employ him at Titan," the elder man informed her. "I'm sure you've guessed that I've been keeping an eye on things when you're in his orbit, but I want a closer look at this man you're willing to face down your mother and your beloved grandfather for. If he impresses me, he could find himself moving up the ranks within the company."

  
"Seriously?" she asked with a healthy mix of skepticism and hope.

  
"Seriously."

  
"And that ultimatum?"

  
Victor's eyes turned cold. "Stands," he replied with firmly. "He comes to work for me or he will never come near you again… one way or another."

  
"But Grandpa!"

  
"Then, I accept, but with a few conditions of my own," Ben said making his presence known.

  
Victor smirked. "You want to negotiate the terms of my ultimatum?"

  
Ben shrugged confidently. "We both know that only death or **Ciara** wanting me to leave would keep me away from her. And I don't see her asking me to go anywhere anytime soon."

  
The smirk on Victor's face dropped, while Ciara watched heart racing in her chest. "Ben—"

  
"What part of let me handle it was hard for you, Ci?" Ben countered.

  
She pouted. "The part where you wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for our friendship."

  
"Actually, I might have ended up here anyway, princess."

  
"I'm not a princess," she grumbled, pouting  & crossing her arms over her chest in frustration.

  
"And it's **my** past that is causing all these issues, Ciara," Ben corrected. "I killed three, almost four people including Will, and left Chad  & Abigail in a burning cabin to die."

  
"Not the worst resume when you think about it," Victor quipped.

  
"Grandpa!"

  
"Your cousin is a nutjob, and while he is mildly capable, she's married to an idiot. And Will has proven quite the little whore since hitching his wagon to Jackson's but considering Sonny's bottomless pit of neediness from the way his parents coddle him, one might be less than surprised."

  
Ben choked on a snicker before he could control it, but Ciara was more outraged than amused. "Grandpa, that's mean."

  
"No, mean would be saying that little Serena & Paige were wastes of oxygen and no real loss to society as a whole, but I didn't feel the need to be mean, dear."

  
"Oh, my god!"

  
Ben took a deep breath. "Um, why don't you head out? Your grandfather & I have some negotiating to do."

  
They exchanged a few looks, clearly in silent conversation. Finally, Ciara heaved a sigh & rolled her eyes. "Fine," she huffed, and dropped a kiss on her grandpa's cheek. "Behave," she whispered before pulling back. "I'll see if I can find Aunt Maggie before I go."

  
As soon as the door closed behind her, Ben returned his attention to Victor, who was staring him down. "You're in love with my Ciara."

  
"Who wouldn't be?" Ben admitted freely. "She's incredible, which I'm sure you're more than aware of."

  
"You're not going to make a move?" he asked almost mockingly, like he was daring him to suggest he wasn't planning to.

  
"Ciara is amazing, and the fact that she would even be interested in being my friend is a miracle," Ben explained. "I would never do anything that would mess that up."

  
"Hmm." Victor searched for even a hint of a lie in his words and found none. He got a shiver of déjà vu as another pair of deeply in love brunettes came to mind, where again the young woman was left to chase the older man who feared he wasn't good enough for her. Time would tell if their ending would be any happier, but he would do his part to protect his granddaughter and vet the man she had chosen. "Enough about that, we have business to discuss. What are these conditions you have?" he asked approvingly.

  
"Nothing illegal," Ben said immediately. "I haven't even been released from the institution a whole year, and I've seen more of the inside of a jail cell than I have any interest in ever seeing again. I refuse to make Commissioner Brady or interim-Commissioner Grant's job any easier for them. I haven't even jaywalked since the last time they were forced to release me."

  
"Why didn't you sue for harassment?" he huffed disdainful. "You could have managed quite a winfall with that shark lawyer my granddaughter hired for you."

  
"You know why," Ben whispered, glancing toward the door as he felt like someone may be listening. He frowned. He'd been sure Ciara had left, but he was just as sure that she wasn't above circling back around to eavesdrop. He sat on the sofa. "Ciara has dealt with enough in defense of me. I would never willingly do anything to make her life harder. And if she didn't hate me enough already, Hope would have gone even more ballistic & the wedge between her & Ciara would have only grown. She would have eventually resented me for it. I figure this way, I at least have the space & opportunity to prove myself."

  
"Love. Ever the great equalizer. Makes fools of us all eventually," Victor sighed. "What else?"

  
"I can understand if you’ll need me to go out of town for an assignment, but I will not leave town indefinitely for you, and I won’t move more than a mile outside of the Salem city limits for whatever this job is."

  
"Smart," he chuckled. "Very smart."

  
"I never went to college like Chad or Sonny, but I'm no dummy." Ben met Victor's gaze. "I learned a lot working for my father and on the run with my sister."

  
"They don't call it the School of Hard Knocks for nothing," Victor acknowledged. "At some point, you may want to consider higher education."

  
Ben's eyes widened. "If you keep me on that long."

  
"True," Victor agreed. "Are those your only conditions?"

  
"One more," Ben said. "I expect to receive a living wage. I want the median salary you pay people in the position you hire me at or better if I can get it. That's it."

  
"Very practical," the elder man replied. "No caveats about me not interfering in your relationship with my granddaughter?"

  
Ben shrugged. "What's the point in wasting my breath? You & I both know you could have interfered at any time since the day it was revealed Ciara had been at the cabin with me, and that I was the main suspect in that fire." He shrugged again. "I've said it before, and I'll say until you believe me: I don't mind proving myself."

  
"Then let me list my demands," Victor stated. "You start bright and early Monday morning at 7am. You'll work Monday-Friday. You've been hired to work in the mail room."

  
"Fine."

  
"You will dress the part, and in addition, I do not like my granddaughter visiting you in the slums, so you will be moving into a Titan property as soon as possible." The elder man reached into his coat and pulled out a card. "Call this number, and she can email you the list of apartments you can afford within your new salary. Your rent will be deducted from your paycheck until further notice. Your current landlord has been informed and will be terminating your lease at the end of the month, so you have a few weeks to get your affairs in order."

  
Ben bit his tongue and nodded.

  
"Once a month, you will join Ciara on one of her lunch or dinner visits with me," Victor added. “At my discretion.”

  
"Why?"

  
"Does it matter?" Victor asked, raising a brow. "Is it going to be a problem?

  
"No, sir," Ben responded. "Is that all, Mr. Kiriakis?"

  
“You are aware of who stands as Titan’s current CEO, correct?”

  
“I am,” Ben confirmed. "I never expected you would make this easy for me."

  
Victor raised an eyebrow at the younger man. "Then unless you have anything else to add..."

  
"No, sir."

  
"Good, then that's all for now. Leave," Victor said, opening his paper with a flick of his wrist. "And tell my granddaughter that if she's going to eavesdrop she should at least try to be subtle."

  
"I love you, too, Grandpa Vic!" Ciara called as Ben walked out of the living room.

  
"Which is the only reason I'm not drowning your rescue puppy in the river," Victor quipped back, rustling his paper as he turned the page. When the door shut behind the two young people, he added under his breath, "It's also why I'm bothering to try and train the mongrel instead of just putting him down."


	13. What Else Is New?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So after massive juggling, revisions, & rewrites, I'm finally satisfied with this chapter enough to post! Yay me! It was chock full of a LOT, but now it's more transitional... lol Next chapter, though... we're gonna deal with some issues our girl has been avoiding! Whether she likes it or not. Hope everyone continues to enjoy this!
> 
> Oh... and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who reads, reviews, & harasses me on Twitter(jk)! lol I love Cin Nation! You keep me inspired as much as our beloved captains!

They walked in silence for a few steps before Ben stopped crossed his arms and just looked at Ciara with an eyebrow raised. It took her a moment to notice. When she did, she stopped and turned back to him. "What?"

"What?" he scoffed. "Really?"

"Fine," Ciara huffed with a roll of her eyes. "Ok, fine! I'm sorry!"

"For?"

She sighed. "Eavesdropping," she grumbled. "Although, I wasn't there the WHOLE time, I really did go looking for Aunt Maggie, but she was out. Still I'm sorry for eavesdropping, when you probably would have told me anyway. I should have trusted."

"And?" he asked leadingly.

"And?!"

"Ciara Alice—"

"Ok, so maybe I should have stayed out of it & let you handle it like you said you would," she unwillingly admitted.

"And did."

"However, I was already in it!" she continued adamantly. "You wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place if not for me! You never would have been on Grandpa Vic's radar if you didn't matter so much to me."

"You don't know that, Ciara," Ben countered. "My dad was deep into some pretty dark shit. He very well could have worked with or for your grandfather. For all we know, you were just the excuse for him to keep an eye on me, not the reason."

Ciara's eyes bulged as she considered that. "I—I never thought of that."

"I'm aware," he chuckled, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "You couldn't see past that big heart of yours."

Ciara blushed. "You're one of my best friends. And there's nothing I won't do for the people I love," she said with a shrug as she tucked her hands in her back pockets and shyly met his piercing gaze.

Ben's heart fluttered, but he tried to calm it by reminding himself that she only loved him as a friend. "Well, it looks like I have errands to run if I'm going to be moving." He pulled out the card Victor gave him. "You wanna get lunch & help me plan out this move? Maybe we'll be able to check out a few places together."

"On the weekend without an appointment?" Ciara said incredulously.

"Good point."

Ciara grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, so she could loop her arm through his. "Ok. Here's the plan: we're going to lunch to celebrate the new job & the new digs, my treat. You're gonna make the call for the apartment listings & we'll call to schedule some visits for tomorrow. I'm sure if they give you trouble that since they're Titan properties I can use my clout as Victor Kiriakis's granddaughter to get us in anyway. We only have a couple weeks to pick you a place & get you moved."

"We do, huh?"

"Shut up, of course, I'm gonna help."

"Thank you," Ben said genuinely grateful. "But I don't want this interfering with your school or anything. Don't you have a study group today."

"In a few hours, plenty of time for you to make your calls, us to have an early lunch, and then handle the final errand on your list before I go meet with my study group."

"What else is there?"

"Shopping!"

Ben's face dropped. "Shopping? Why?! For what?!"

"Jeans, tees, sneakers, & coveralls may be the in thing to wear at the garage, but at Titan?" Ciara teased. "Your wardrobe is gonna need an upgrade, babe. To include at least one suit. We're going to be checking out apartments tomorrow & since you start Monday…"

"So, after lunch, we go shopping," he relented.

"Yup!" she chirped. "You're lucky this is my statistics study group, or I'd blow it off!"

Ben shook his head furiously. "No, no, no!" he snapped. "I'm putting my foot down. We are shopping on a  **budget** , Ciara.  **My**  budget! You are  **not**  buying me anything, and we're only— **ONLY** —getting a few essentials. I'm working in the mailroom, not on the executive floor. I need  **a**  suit, a handful of dress shirts, a few ties, some slacks, dress socks, & two pairs of dress shoes: a brown pair & a black pair. That's it."

Ciara leaned her head on his shoulder & looked up at him innocently. "Ok."

"I'm serious, Ci."

"Uh-huh!" she chirped, causing him to frown distrustfully.

"Why are you like this?" he asked as they neared the square. He frowned in exasperation as he looked down at her. "You always hate shopping, until it's for me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ben," she giggled.

Ben shook his head in amusement. "Don't make me sick Claire on you." He paused, when he noticed Tripp looking at them.

Ciara stopped & looked up at him with a scrunched face. "What?"

He nodded toward where Tripp stood glaring at them.

"I'm in the mood for one of Uncle Roman's burgers," Ciara said, dragging him away from the café. "Come on."

* * *

"Admit it. That was fun!" Ciara chirped as she dropped bags on his couch and grabbed her laptop case & bookbag.

"Mmhmm," he hummed skeptically dropping his bags on the kitchen table. "Don't you have a study group. Go work on your statistics."

"Ugh! Mean!" she huffed, rolling her eyes & sticking her tongue out at him as she headed for the door.

Ben laughed as he set aside some of the boxes he'd picked up to pack for his move. "Payback for the shopping." He hung up his suit leaving it in the bag. "You coming back here after or spending some time with your  **actual**  roommates for a change?"

"I'm not sure how late group will go so…" She shrugged noncommittally, leaning against the front door.

Shaking his head in amusement, he walked over and drop a kiss on her forehead. "Text me."

Ciara pouted. "That's all?"

"After over three hours of shopping? You bet your cute little ass it is," he replied in amusement. "Now go focus on passing statistics. I can't have my Rockstar flunking out. I'd have to rethink this whole being seen with you in public thing."

She giggled and smacked his chest hard. "Hey!" she scoffed, pointing at him. "I'm gonna ace this class if it kills me, babe."

"Good," he shot back, grinning at her. "Now get out. And don't forget to text me whether you're coming back or not."

She kissed his cheek before turning to open the door. "Maybe I will," she said, glancing over her shoulder. "Maybe I'll surprise you."

"What else is new?" he joked, smacking her on the ass as she stepped out the door earning him a surprised squeak. "Behave, trouble."

Ciara grinned brightly back at him over her shoulder & waved mischievously. Ben watched her walk away until she was out of sight & then closed the door. He squeezed his eyes shut as he leaned back against the door. Looking around at the bags of new clothes & shoes, he sighed. Today had felt so good. So right. Like they were more than just close friends. Ciara had felt as much his as he already was hers.

As much as he loved every second he got in her presence, their closeness had a part of him hoping she decided to stay at the loft again tonight. He was losing his perspective, not that he ever had much where Ciara was concerned. But he could use some time to remember they were only glorified friends with benefits, not two people in love. His heart ached because he knew he was completely in love with his best friend… in a way he'd never been in his life, not even as deeply as he'd fallen for Abby. It made him wonder if he maybe it was time he should finally bring up his unrequited feelings with Marlena in their next session.

* * *

Ben had taken the time to put up his new things, but also packed away most of what he planned to keep. He had 80% of his clothes packed, along with 90% of everything else. All that was left really was Ciara's clothes & things, a few electronics and his minimal furniture. He would be ready to move as soon as they chose a place. He had his eye on the only two-bedroom on the list. After living alone in this studio with Ciara as an occasional roommate, he was eager to have more space.

Not that he wouldn't miss having an excuse to share space that these close quarters offered, but as much as he loved sharing his bed with her, he was sick of sleeping on the sofa or not having the privacy to jerk off when the need arose. A two-bedroom meant space for an office that could double as a guest bedroom. Unfortunately, it was also the most expensive apartment, so, even if he ended up making twice what he made at the garage, things would be tight for the foreseeable future.

Not that it wouldn't be worth it. Ben hated as much as Victor did that him living on the bad side of town meant Ciara had to visit him there. Unfortunately, the only places in better neighborhoods that he could afford before now were owned or controlled by Hortons or Bradys, all of whom wanted him far away from their precious Ciara or even better to their eyes, gone from Salem. So, he'd had to resort to a month-to-month lease on a low-rent studio apartment from a seedy landlord who only cared that his money is green & arrived on time each month.

Fortunately, the cheap rent, his minimal needs, and his talent for fixing things had allowed him to save quite a bit of money. He'd planned to start paying Ciara back within the next few weeks, but now… he sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face as he looked around. Now, he'd have to see how much he'd have left after rent each month & reevaluate his budget. He might need that savings to make ends meet until he could get some overtime or earn a raise… or until the pressure from Victor died down enough that he could pick up extra hours at the garage on weekends to supplement his income.

"You can only do what you can do," he thought aloud to himself as he checked his phone. Dr. Evans's words often helped him when he felt himself overwhelmed by the uphill battle his life had become. He checked his phone again. Considering the time, he'd already eaten and figured Ciara must be getting ready for bed at the loft. He decided to call it a night, tossed his phone on the bed, and headed for the shower.


	14. Never Meant to Hurt You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dundundun! Ok… we're gonna get a little emotionally messy here and Ciara's life has been flourishing in every way but one. So, she's gonna deal with some of the fruits of her avoidance habit. This chapter is all Ciara's POV. Hope you all are still enjoying this story!

When Ciara let herself into the loft, she was exhausted & had a mild headache. All she'd wanted was a shower & a snack, so she could pop a Tylenol before bed. Any plans she had of spending the night with Ben had died under the weight of mathematical probabilities & statistical analyses. She exited her bedroom in yoga pants & a t-shirt to find Claire in the kitchen on her iPad. She suddenly felt kind of bad for avoiding her niece so much. "Hey, Claire."

"Ciara?!" she gasped almost falling off the stool she'd been perched on. "Oh my god, I thought you were spending the night with Ben or something again."

Ciara fought not to blush as she leaned into the fridge. "Just got out of the shower after study group. Why does math have to be required in pre-Med?"

"Eesh!" Claire groaned. "I managed to test out of most of the math during enrollment, thanks to Theo. Then I got the rest done Freshman & Sophomore years. Now it's smooth sailing on the way to my fashion degree."

"Ugh!" she moaned. "I wish I'd thought of that, but with everything that was going on back then and the time I took off… well, I guess I'm paying for it now."

Claire fiddled with her iPad, while peeking out of the corner of her eye at Ciara making a sandwich. "So, you really were just busy with school? You're not avoiding me & Tripp because of your breakup? Or distracted "

"Gawd, Claire!" she scoffed. "I definitely wasn't avoiding Tripp," she admitted sarcastically, putting the sandwich fixings away. She noticed Claire's shoulders droop. "Really it's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Ciara?" Claire asked. "I know we haven't been super close in a while, but we were in a good place. I'm not with Tripp so that shouldn't be an issue."

"I'm sorry," she apologized fiddling with her water bottle. "Look, I'm really happy for you and everything you've got going on. I was so glad to how you've been happy & the way you've been able to make friends with the other models, but… I'm not really comfortable around them with the matchmaking and I feel like I never know what to say to them. I'm not really interested in shopping or whatever." She took a bite of her sandwich.

"Are you saying I'm shallow?" Claire asked quietly.

'Yes,' she thought, but refused to say. "No!" Ciara rubbed a hand over her face.

"Since when?" Tripp asked stepping into the room. "You seemed to have a blast when you & Ben were shopping today. What's the difference? Not enough of body count."

Ciara swallowed heavily. "He got a new job… indoors & needed some new things. Coveralls aren't exactly the most work appropriate look outside of a garage. It's not like either of us do it all the time, so I teased him about it," she explained through gritted teeth before focusing in on Claire. "Look. When it's you and me, it's fun to go shopping sometimes or go to lunch or whatever. We have a good time together, but I just don't feel as comfortable with your model squad, especially after you tried to set me up with that guy."

"It was a joke, Ciara," Claire admitted, rushing to try to defuse the sudden tension Tripp's arrival was creating. "The matchmaking thing? I was teasing you. But I know you're doing the self-help, 'single & proud', 'I am woman hear me roar' thing. I mean, you dumped Tripp & broke his heart, and you refuse to see that Ben is so in love with you that he would crawl naked through broken glass just to listen to you breathe. Why would I subject one of my friends to that?" Claire rolled her eyes. "Definitely a joke."

"Claire, that isn't fair," Ciara said softly, genuinely hurt. "I ended things with Tripp because I didn't want to be unfair by lying to him about how I felt & end up hurting him." She glanced at him awkwardly before looking away. "I was always honest about that." She refocused her attention on Claire. "And Ben is my friend. He would go to hell & back for me because he knows I would do the same for him. I would never do anything to hurt him. Just like I never meant to hurt you. This semester, along with therapy, has just been kicking me ass, and I needed to be focused on me & school."

Seeing her sincerity, Claire nodded. "I'm so—" she started only to be cut off by Tripp.

"Oh, cut the bull, and tell the truth," Tripp snapped. "You're in love with that murderer, & he's isolating you from everyone who cares about you, but you're too stupid or selfish to see it."

"Tripp!" Claire gasped, eyes rounding in shock.

"Really, Tripp," Ciara sneered. Throwing down her sandwich & jerking her thumb at her ex, she turned to Claire. "This is another reason I've been avoiding this place like the plague. I'm sick of the puppy dog looks & tripping over his wounded ego every time I walk through the door!" She focused in on Tripp staring him in his eyes. "Get over it, Tripp! We didn't work out! It happens. Not every relationship is some fairytale happily ever after thing. Theo & Claire broke up, and they had more going for them than we ever did."

"Ciara," Claire groaned, wincing.

"And for the record, I have never lied to you intentionally," Ciara continued. "Our breakup had nothing to do with Ben, despite you FRAMING him for arson!" Tripp gasped. "So you remember that. Well despite being that underhanded to get rid of Ben, I still tried to make it work with you. My relationship is  **nothing** remotely like what we had mainly because I can trust him & he proved to be a better friend than you because he never asked for anything other than my friendship in return for his kindness!"

"Don't try to turn this around on me," Tripp hissed as Ciara took a bite of her sandwich. "I was worried about you being manipulated by that murderer."

Ciara nearly choked in disbelief, but he continued, "And I was fine with waiting. I don't know how many ways I could tell you that to make you understand that!"

"Maybe your words weren't the problem!" Ciara shot back. "Maybe if you weren't pushing for sex from our first official date only to end up naked under a blanket or letting Claire stick her tongue down your throat every time my back was turned, I could have believed that it wasn't all about sex with you."

"That was only twice," he huffed. "And you said you forgave me for all of that."

"Forgiveness doesn't mean I can just forget it when we all still live together, Tripp!" she snapped. "Not only did you plot send and innocent man to prison," he scoffed "you nearly screwed my NIECE!"

"I'm so sorry, Ciara," Claire said softly.

Ciara took a deep breath to calm herself and turned to Claire. "I'm not mad or hurt anymore. I swear. None of that matters now. That's all the past." Ciara moved around the island to Claire's side. "I don't want to let that kind of anger fester. I'm just trying to explain that that like it or not, we're in a different place now. Neither of you owe me anything anymore. We're just roommates & friends." She reached out & grabbed Claire's hand. "Or in our case, family."

"Thank you," Claire said squeezing her aunt's hand back.

"I still think you two should consider exploring your unresolved feelings for each other," Ciara added with a teasing grin, making Claire blush.

But Tripp flushed with anger. "Just admit what this is really all about," he spat. "You're fucking him, and you think if Claire & I get together, it will absolve you of your guilt! How long after we broke up did you jump on his dick? Or did you even wait to end things?"

"Oh, my god!"

"Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of being a cheater? " Ciara yelled. "Who do you think you are? Because first of all, I'm not the one who got caught trying to shove my dick in my girlfriend's niece at the first opportunity!"

"You broke up with me!"

"We were broken up for like TWO HOURS!" she snapped. "And if that's how you like to commemorate our breakups what was me catching you with Claire's tongue down your throat commemorating again? Because see, we were together when you cheated that time!"*

"It was an accident!"

"That's not what you said then," Ciara fired back. "I believe you tried to blame it on me supporting my friend! As if me being there for a friend somehow gave you the right to cheat! Well, you & I are over, so why don't you just finish what you started with Claire and stop worrying about what I am or am not doing?! She's the one you really wanted anyway."

"Is that what you want?" Tripp asked coldly. "For me to fuck Claire so you can ride off into the sunset with your precious serial killer."

"Guys," Claire said finding her voice.

"Ben is not a SERIAL KILLER anymore!"

Claire tried again a little louder. "Guys!"

"Besides, I'm single, Tripp," Ciara sneered. "So, if I wanted to livestream myself screwing Ben in the Horton Town Square, it would be none of your fucking business!"

" **Guys!** "

Ciara stepped even closer too enraged to hear her niece anymore. "Because it's not up to you who I do or don't fuck, when, where, and how, but I can promise you on my father's bike, my mother's life, my family & everything I love including my own LIFE that even if you were the last man on earth, I'd consider incest with Claire before I'd even consider letting you sniff my used underwear!"

Tripp's nostrils flared as his eyes dropped to her mouth. Claire stood watching in shock as Tripp leaned toward Ciara as if to kiss her, but instead a loud crack filled the room as Ciara jerked backward.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Ciara breathed shaking & staring at Tripp as if he had lost his mind. "Are you out of your mind?!"

"Uh…" Claire was shocked.

"Ciara, I—" Tripp began.

"No," she said, coldly rushing to her room. She grabbed her gym bag still packed for her workout the next morning & opened it. She tossed her shopping bags inside and zipped it shut. She grabbed her book bag & laptop case and stormed back out.

"I am so sorry," Tripp began.

"Ciara—"

"I don't want to hear it," she immediately replied, holding her hand up to keep Tripp at bay, before turning to Claire. "I can't stay here anymore."

"What?!" Claire screeched. "You're moving out?" She turned to Tripp. "Say something."

"I just meant for tonight, but I don't know," she told Claire, careful to keep her niece between them. "I can't even think beyond that. I just know I can't be here."

"But where are you going?" Claire asked.

"I don't know," she stammered moving toward the door. "Maybe I'll rent a room for the night or I'll stay with Mom or Grandpa Vic or a friend, I don't know."

Tripp's face shut down and the remorse melted away. "She's just using this as another excuse to run to her precious Ben."

A shiver ran down her spine. "Even if Ben never existed, it wouldn't be you," she said, meeting his gaze head on. "You seem to forget my best friend and the man I loved before I rebounded with you was Theo, so he would have been my first call if he were here."

Tripp stiffened further.

"Ciara, don't go like this," Claire begged wanting desperately to fix things.

"I'll be fine," she told her niece, hoping to calm her worries. "I'm taking the motorcycle out to clear my head, but I'll text you when I get settled. Good night, Claire."

Ciara swept out of the loft without a second thought. As soon as the door closed, she could hear Claire screaming at Tripp. At least she had hope of salvaging that relationship. But any semblance of a friendship with Tripp was now dead in the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I blame y'all for this. I had plans for showers and orgasms. But y'all say stuff and then I see stuff on SM and next thing I know there's more plot! Ugh! lol Oh well! Hopefully, I'll at least be able to do finish my shower scene for next chapter. *pouts in "Look what you just made me do."*


	15. No Matter What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit a snag with this chapter. That snag is called real life. It was mostly done, but completely unedited & every time I even thought about touching it life would immediately interfere.
> 
> Side note: Last update was pretty intense there towards the end. Just to clarify. Ciara slapped the tar out of Tripp for leaning in for a kiss. That guy has the worst timing ever right. And if you're thinking that seemed like a bit of an overreaction, well, Ciara's sexual assault survivor & it's not uncommon for them to occasionally overreact to sexual situations, whether it's with hyper sexualized behavior—like with Ben—or by panicking when someone makes a carnal overture. Oh well, all's that ends well! And I'd say the handprint she left on his fictional face counts! Lol
> 
> Didn't get as much feedback on the last chapter so here's hoping you all are still enjoying it!

Ciara pulled over her motorcycle at the gas station right outside of town to fuel up & contemplate her situation. Now, that she'd cooled off she realized she might have been out of line & overreacting when she slapped Tripp for leaning in to kiss her—not that he didn't deserve it for other reasons. Guess that would be a topic to bring up during her next visit with Dr. Evans. Either way, she had given the loft… 'situation' all the energy she had and didn't feel like going back to deal with the fallout. So, she was once again avoiding it and her roommates.

She considered spending the night in her old room. Unfortunately, Ciara and her mother hadn't exactly gotten back on track since their last blow up. Well, not beyond a few texts and a quick call on her way to class. Now did not feel like the time to hash out their issues & try to make peace, which seemed to be a big part of their pattern these days.

Ciara grabbed a bottle of water and some gum and put down a twenty to cover it all. She didn't bother to ask for change, hoping to spread some good karma after the way she hauled off and hit someone yet again.

A hotel room probably wasn't out of the question but checking into any hotel within Salem city limits would be followed by a call or visit from her mom or would involve a member of her family being nosy, asking questions she wasn't up to answering. Outside the city limits… Ciara shuddered as she pumped her gas. Those places were way too grody unless she got close to another small town—but they were likely closed or would be by the tie she got to one—or headed all the way out toward Chicago—too far to travel this late.

Her grandpa & Aunt Maggie would always open their arms to her, but again with the nosy questions. And if Maggie somehow held back there would be the bickering with Grandpa Vic over leaving me alone. Shawn-D & Belle were out, too, for obvious reasons. With dynamics like those, was it any wonder she always ended up at Ben's.

He had quickly become her one safe place where she could just be at peace with who she was & how she felt. No questions asked, no judgments, no expectations, no arguments—unless… well, it was baseball season & there was the whole Red Sox vs Yankees thing… which in reality she couldn't care any less about personally since she preferred football, but Ben was so freaking adorable when he got all flushed and upset. Of everyone in her life, he was the only relationship she had that felt—for the most part—easy. Why wouldn't she hold onto it with both hands no matter what the naysayers who claimed to lover her thought? She smiled as she hung up the nozzle with her mind already made up as to where she was headed next.

When her phone rang, she wasn't expecting it. She hadn't turned it off—just silenced it, but she certainly hadn't noticed it vibrating while she was riding. Not that she would. She frowned as she looked at the caller ID. "Chels?"

"Hey, baby sis!"

"Hey, big sis," she greeted awkwardly. "Um, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean 'what's wrong'?" Chelsea groused. "Can't a big sister check in on her little sister?"

Now she  **knew**  something was up. "Chelsea, come on!" Ciara scoffed. "Who was it? Who told you to call & 'try to talk some sense into me' this time?"

"I could totally be calling because you're my sister & I love you!" Chelsea argued.

"Isn't it like 2 or 3 am in London?"

"Maybe my sisterly radar told me to call you."

"So, it was Claire," she deadpanned. "Because Mom would probably have an APB out, and I've passed at least 2 squad cars during this ride."

"Ok, fine, so, this time, it was Claire," Chelsea admitted with a sigh. "But she was doing that overdramatic whining thing that's impossible for me not to tune out on, so I only really know that you got into a fight with your roommates & somehow this Ben character is involved."

"Seriously!" she gasped, in frustration. "You, too?! Well, if you've called to lecture me about Ben, don't bother. First of all, the fight wasn't even really about him. And secondly, I've heard it all before & I'm sick of it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Chelsea replied. "When was the last time I was lecture gal?!"

Ciara thought about it. "When I was little & broke your favorite lipstick trying to use it as a crayon…"

"Exactly," she replied proudly. "Side bar: you still owe me because they discontinued that shade!"

"I said I was sorry," Ciara grumbled.

"As you should be!" Chelsea paused. "Back to the subject at hand, as much as I've screwed up, I make it a practice not to judge unless I just don't like you… so you're in luck on that front. And I've noticed that since you let it slip that you & Tripp were kaput, when I call, you've gone on & on about how annoying Claire is or how hard school is & your study group friends or therapy with Marlena, but you refuse to even say this Ben guy's name. You owe me details."

"You said mom called you about this," Ciara countered with a sigh. "And I wouldn't be surprised if Shawn did, too."

"You're not wrong," her older sister admitted, clearly amused by their family's overprotective gossiping now that it wasn't directed at her.

Ciara rolled her eyes as she took a sip of water. "He probably couldn't resist between the testosterone poisoning of being a protective big brother & a protective dad."

"Yeah, well, this is all very… accurate, but now, I wanna hear your side of the story," she explained. "What's the deal with you & your Stranglebae?"

"Excuse me, my WHAT?"

"It's a thing I saw on Twitter," Chelsea giggled. "I did my own research on your buddy, Ben, & it would seem he has groupies online who totally cyber stalk him & call him #Stranglebae, which is equal parts disturbing & hilarious!"

"Oh, god," she groaned. "Well, I, um, I don't really know what to say. Where to start, you know."

"Well, you could always start with why you've been leading a Brady family civil war over a serial killer… even a gorgeous one with six-pack abs & a V." Chelsea paused. "Although, looking at some of the pics from his Instagram back when he and Abby were together, I may be answering my own question here."

"Chels!" Ciara squealed. "You're insane."

"But that doesn't mean I'm wrong," she shot back. "Are you hitting that? Because I gotta say, aside from the threat of being strangled to death that comes with every orgasm, he looks like he knows how to make it worth the risk."

"God, Chels, stop!" Ciara looked around. "Ok. I'm at the gas station by the Denny's just outside of town. Give me 5 and I'll call you back."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Good, because I refuse to be ignored, and if my phone isn't ringing in exactly five minutes, I'm booking the next flight to Salem, so I can get the lowdown without you trying to evade me."

"Fine," Ciara huffed. "Although, if you're on my side, I might not complain if you booked that flight regardless."

"Ciara, baby," Chelsea said sadly. "I'm  **always**  on your side. No matter what."

"Thanks."

* * *

Ben's phone rang as he was about to turn on the shower. When he recognized the ringtone, he grunted & grabbed a towel. He reached his phone just as it stopped. Before he could call back, the ringtone Ciara had given Claire just that afternoon filled the air again. He groaned. When they were shopping, it came on over the store's speakers and he wasn't able to hide his grimace, which, of course, amused Ciara to no end.

****Flashback****

"Ha, she ruined it for you, too, didn't she?" Ciara had laughed gleefully.

"What are you talking about?" he had huffed while trying to pick between a sky-blue button down and a forest green one. Ciara had snatched them both up and tossed them in the cart. "They'll both look great on you, although I still think you should get the pink one, too. You know maybe you weren't around then, but pink is a perfectly acceptable color for a manly man like you to wear. Might even help soften your image."

"Fine," he groaned, giving in. "Whatever. Grab it. I just need a couple white shirts and we can move on to slacks."

"But seriously, do you totally hate it?" Ciara asked. "I'm pretty open with my tastes, but after catching her dancing around singing that stupid song, I can't take it anymore."

"Really?" He'd chuckled and then sighed. "It wasn't exactly going to be my favorite song, anyway, but the way she would play it over and over like that."

"Give me your phone," Ciara demanded, snatching it from his jacket pocket before he could stop her. "I'm making it her ringtone."

"Come on!" he gasped in horror grabbing for his cell.

She giggled, dancing out of his reach. "Please. It's perfect. Besides, it's not like she calls you much, but at least when she does, you'll know it's her immediately… Bennybooboo."

"I hate you."

"You wish," she shot back.

"Not really," he admitted, grabbing at the white shirts to check the sizes.

****End Flashback****

_'I, I love you like a love song, baby'_

He groaned and answered, "What's wrong, Claire?"

"Is Ciara there?" she asked, concern clear in her voice.

"Uh, no," he admitted, frowning. "Maybe her study group went long. Did you call Alison or Derek or Mackenzie?"

"You know her friends from study group? By name?" Claire asked. "Have you met them, too? Wow. Do you have their numbers? Not that I really need them right now because she was already here after study group. But maybe she went back to spend the night with one of them? Wait. Does she have other friends? Wow, I live with her, and I don't even know anything about what she's been doing or who with? Does she have a boyfriend?"

"No!"

Claire giggled. "Not even you?" she asked slyly before catching herself. "You know what I shouldn't have asked you that. I'm just worried because there was a fight & Tripp was an ass & Ciara stormed out with a bag. She said she was gonna ride her bike to clear her head, but I was worried, and I didn't want to call Grandma Hope because she'd totally flip—"

"Claire, breathe," Ben ordered, as he tried to keep his cool. "You said there was a fight. Did Tripp hurt her?"

"You know, it's easy to remember you used to be a serial killer when your voice gets all deep & dangerous like that."

"Claire!" he snapped.

"He didn't hurt her, Ben," she swore. "More like pissed her off & shook her up a little."

His eyes narrowed. "Look, don't worry. I'll text her. Give me an hour—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Claire interrupted. "Ok, Chelsea's got it under control."

''From biology?" Ben asked confused. "I thought she couldn't stand her because she rambles during labs & never actually has a clue what's going on."

"Huh?" There was a brief silence. "No. Aunt Chelsea as in her sister. Don't worry. She'll talk her down. Sorry to bother you. Night, Bennybooboo!"

"Don't—" The line went dead. "—hang up. Ugh. And I told her not to call me that stupid name." He rolled his eyes in exasperation as he remembered her trying unsuccessfully to force him to sit through some chick flick about losing a guy in 10 days & failing… until Ciara joined in and he was stuck because he couldn't say no to her. At least Ciara didn't resort to calling him that godawful name unless she was really in the mood to drive him crazy.

Ben frowned. "When did Chelsea get into town? I thought she was living in London with her mom."

Tossing his phone aside in frustration, he headed back to the bathroom and turned on the water.


	16. Relieve Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is a long time coming. I had it mostly done for a while, but then my fickle muse, Barb, went MIA and refused to finish. Finally though, I finished this & got a jump on the next chapter. But since I was in a groove, I didn't immediately edit & post 16. So I forgot this update was so long I had to split it into 16 & part of 17. Imagine my surprise when I come to finish it & found it done but waiting for edits. Oops! Sorry! Here you go. Still love me, right? If it's any consolation, after finishing edits I made more progress on the next chapter with hopefully more to come. Anyway, I just hope you all are still enjoying it!!

 

Ben tossed aside his towel and stepped under the hot water, more than ready to wash the stresses of the day away. While it had been busy, more than anything the day had felt productive. And fun. He tried to imagine the day without Ciara in it, and he couldn't. As he soaped his hands up, his mind went to first seeing his spitfire that morning. He felt like he should have expected it, and part of him probably had, but as usual, the first sight of her took his breath away. Seeing her fight for him… he felt it like a punch to the gut.

And then at lunch… The more time he spent with Ciara, the more Ben had to fight not to get the wrong idea about them because of the little moments: the way her eyes lit up for him, the casual touches, the glances when she thinks he's not paying attention. He blindly grabbed for his wash cloth & more shower gel. When her scent filled the air, he realized he grabbed the wrong bottle, he inhaled deeply & set it back down. Despite himself, he couldn't hold back his smile until he remembered there had been more than one tense moment for him.

He soaped his rag and shook his head. He couldn't seem to get his head on straight when it came to Ciara—and their increasingly intimate relationship wasn't helping. No matter what he called it or how he tried to keep his feelings at bay, the more they explored, the more he wanted it to be real. Thank god they didn't still live together because he wasn't sure he would be able to stop himself from ruining everything. And the last thing he needed to ruin the only remotely healthy relationship he'd ever really had.

Speaking of unhealthy relationships, for the first time in a long time, his mind went to Abigail Devereaux-DiMera. He & Ciara had been joking about his taste in accessories since ties were out of the question. He'd looked up, and there she was. Ciara had missed it because she had rushed off to grab something or other she wanted him to consider. But the sight of the first woman he'd ever loved standing there staring back at him across the store as he'd been sharing a lighthearted afternoon with his new & best love had struck him hard. Ben must have done a decent job of hiding his upset when Ciara returned, but he hadn't been able to resist looking back one last time. Abigail had been gone as if she'd never even been there. He could only guess what she must have been thinking, but there was no way for him to really know. She wasn't his Abby anymore… not that she'd ever really been his, which she proved by how easily she'd cheated on him all those years ago.

But his or not, she was still as beautiful as ever… still had the mix of vulnerability & toughness that had drawn him like a moth to the flame in the beginning. But that was then. Whatever attraction he'd once felt for her was gone. He wasn't blind to her beauty—he still had eyes—but it was all surface now. He could acknowledge it intellectually, but it didn't touch him any longer. There had been a time when she was all he could see of the future. Now, Abigail was nothing but a haunting reminder of his past… a reminder of how he'd fallen into darkness when he'd mistaken infatuation & obsession for real love. Repeating his ugly past with Abigail had been a very real fear for him as his friendship with Ciara had grown.

But thankfully, what he had with Ciara was different in almost every way. For one, they were friends. And there was a core of honesty between them. The only secret between them being the depth of his feelings for her. He'd even admitted to his brief willingness to help Claire break her & Tripp up. Ben had managed to keep his true reason for considering her plot to himself. But it was back then that he'd realized the true depth of his growing feelings for Ciara. When he realized he loved her too much to lie or try to manipulate her choices even for 'her own good'. She had wanted to confront Claire, but he had begged her not to, pointing out that if her relationship with Tripp was solid, no outside force could shake it. He had even offered to pretend to help Claire so he could be her mole. But Claire ended up having to put her plans on hold because things picked up with her modeling.

By the time the dust had settled, Claire had nothing left to destroy. He'd just thought she'd moved on because of the distraction her job provided, but now, Ben realized that Ciara had ended her relationship with Tripp leaving nothing for Claire to try to destroy when things slowed down with her modeling. He shook his head. He should have known considering how persistent Claire was that a little maturity & a glamorous distraction wouldn't have been enough to stop her.

Now, Ciara was free by her own choice. And by some miracle, she wanted him. ' _No_ ,' Ben thought, as his wet hand dipped lower on his slick skin.  _'She was determined to have him. On her terms._ ' And as much as her need for him as only a body hurt, the way she desired him turned him on like nothing else. He wrapped one slippery hand around his hard shaft and let his other hand to move to cup his heavy sack. "Looks like it's just you and me tonight."

* * *

Ciara let herself into the apartment quietly, in case Ben was sleeping. Actually, she hoped he was. Her talk with her sister, Chelsea, had definitely calmed her frazzled mind, but she was certainly not in the mood to rehash what happened at the loft again. She set down her bags carefully as she looked around. Immediately, the emptiness of the room hit her. It wasn't until she caught sight of the pre-marked boxes stacked in the corner that she realized he must have spent his afternoon and evening getting a headstart on packing. However, solving the mystery of his strangely empty apartment hadn't made Ben appear. The lights were on so he couldn't have gone far. She wondered if he might have run out for more tape or something. But his keys were where he always left them. She frowned. "Maybe he took out the trash?" she mumbled to herself pouting at her surroundings.

However, after a few steps farther into the room, she heard the shower & shook her head. Ciara smiled, and rolled her eyes at not having heard it sooner. He was home, but at least she would have a bit more time alone to collect her thoughts before talking to him. Her day had been insane from start to finish. From confronting her grandfather in Ben's name to their impromptu shopping trip to her mentally exhausting study group followed by her emotionally exhausting run-in with Tripp & Claire—not to mention, the information dump that followed with Chels. It had been too stressful. The ride on her father's bike had helped. She almost hadn't come here despite her instincts screaming that she needed the peace she only found on her bike or with Ben these days. But talking to her sister only reminded her that she needed to trust her instincts. Besides, she knew she shouldn't let a jealous asshole run her away from her best friend. Just being this close to him helped settle her nerves until she felt the final knot of fear & anger in her stomach begin to finally loosen. No matter what, here was where she felt safe in a way she hadn't since her father's death.

Needing to clear her head, she reached for her gym bag to get her mat. Maybe she could try some yoga. She would never admit it to Claire, but the classes she'd gone to with her had been really great for relaxing her & releasing tension. As soon as she opened the bag, her eyes fell on her shopping bags. It seemed so long ago when she'd snuck and picked up her little surprise before study group. Ciara pulled out the bag and inspected its contents. Her thoughts took another turn. ' _Then again there's more than one way to relieve some tension_ ,' she thought as started ripping off sales tags.

* * *

For once, Ben was honestly glad to have his tiny apartment with its thin walls to himself. He would never have let himself jerk off with only a flimsy door between himself & Ciara. As much as he loved her, he wasn't sure it would help either of them maintain any patience or self-control. Not that Ciara seemed to have much. And if she did, she relied way too heavily on his. He smirked as he ran his towel over his head before wrapping it around his waist. And even if he did risk it with her there, he would have held back, trying desperately to hold back his loud cries of pleasure as he imagined sliding deep into her warm, tight pussy. And he knew it would be. His favorite fantasies revolved around making her a sloppy mess before forcing his way deep inside her resistant walls. She was inexperienced, so aside from whatever populated her mysterious sex toy collection, he would be the only man she'd ever been with. As usual, he consciously locked down thoughts of her only other sexual partner.

Ben sucked in a deep breath and stretched his neck & shoulders. He had to admit that he felt a lot better. He could feel how so much of the tension from constantly holding himself back—even from Ciara—had melted away. There were times when he feared he would have to spend the rest of his life always hiding or holding something in. There was another part of him that knew it probably wouldn't always be this way. Someday, he would open up every door and window to his soul to someone. He'd hoped it would be Ciara, but as time went on, he suspected it would be in therapy with Marlena. But maybe not.

He swiped a hand over the foggy mirror and gazed at himself. Sometimes he wondered what people saw when they looked at him. He knew he was considered handsome… sexy even. There had even been a time he'd felt sure of it. But in that moment, he couldn't quite remember when it had changed. When he'd stopped believing himself an attractive person. It had always made making money easier. There was definitely a thing about people wanting to give attractive people things. Wanting to believe in their goodness & their worthiness to receive kindness or whatever bullshit they told themselves. His face & body had kept him & his sister fed during some truly hard times. Getting women or men's attention had never been hard. Then when they had looked, he had known the lust for what it was. He used to enjoy sex, and it came almost too easy when he looked like he did. He'd started young, and thoroughly enjoyed the challenge. By the time, he'd come to Salem, he'd toyed with the possibility of exploring sex with men for more of a challenge, but they seemed easier for him than women.

He brushed his teeth as he considered it. It hadn't been when he met Abigail. She had been a different kind of challenge. She had been the first woman—first person, who made him want to really care about and for someone. And once he'd gotten past her guards, she'd been on him like white on rice. No, it hadn't been when he met or started falling for Abby but meeting her was definitely the key to the shift. Strangely, it was before he dropped his first body. He stiffened as it hit him, when the insecurity had set in.  _Chad_. Chad DiMera. Ben had come across him  & Abigail standing a little too close, staring a little too deeply, and it had felt… too intimate. At that moment, when for the first time he had really let himself care about what a woman other than his mother or sister thought of him, he began questioning himself. There had always been insecurity about his worth as a person, thanks to his father, but he could trace this self-doubt in his own sexual appeal… in his attractiveness as a man, to that moment.

Funny how that insecurity had hit harder & been more destructive than all the other insecurities he'd lived with since he was a 7-year-old boy. Maybe because it was in one of the only areas that he'd had no experience with feeling less. He had no defense for that. And once that weakness could be exploited, his father had had no difficulty exploiting others. The longer he had desperately clung to his broken relationship with Abigail, the deeper the cracks in his mind had reached until his father's words had begun to make an awful kind of sense. And then Chad had crossed the line and used his sister. If he had never touched Jordan, things might have been different. But he did… and what came next was the result.

Ben slammed the door shut on that line of thought & turned on the water to rinse his toothbrush. He quickly swished some mouthwash & rinsed the sink. Before he turned off the tap, he splashed a little water on his face. He grabbed one of the hand towels that had randomly popped up since Ciara had practically moved in and dried his face & hands with it. When he looked back at the mirror, he noticed a smirk he hadn't seen on his face in a long time. It was usually the look he got when he was planning to fuck someone. Maybe Dr. Evans was right that this little "Intimacy Training" gambit Ciara & he had worked out was going to effect him, too. He knew he couldn't imagine being attracted to anyone else right then, but when Ciara moved on eventually, maybe he would be able to get back out there himself. And maybe he could find someone besides Ciara who could turn him on without him having to wrap his hands around their throat. Ben flashed to the last time he'd been aroused before Ciara. The last time he'd—with Sami watching nearby as he choked her son Will to within an inch of his life.

He swallowed and sneered at the flushed, glassy look of the predator his father created in him that met his gaze in the mirror. "You're sick," Ben growled lowly, as he adjusted his towel which had shifted from the stiffening of his cock. "You are sick & twisted, but I won that night, and I will keep winning until I'm well enough to not even remember you existed anymore. I'm not that man anymore. I  **won't**  be him ever again."

With a huff, Ben spun from the mirror and stormed out of the bathroom. Only to find himself frozen by the sight that awaited. "Ciara," he rasped huskily his eyes all over her, devouring her hungrily.


	17. Level Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can thank kayseeingsparks on Twitter for this one! She challenged me & I told her if she wanted me to even TRY to finish this update, then she better show me something! So she did & posted her first 2 chapters of her first posted fic EVER, Unraveling. Check it out! It's available on both FF.net(/s/13176199/1/Unraveling) & AO3 (/works/17388911). While you're at it check out another new Cin writer, CroleyDanielle on Twitter! Her fic is on AO3 & it's called 'All I Need'(/works/17357888).
> 
> Ok. Enough about promoting others—although, that was fun & I might do it again for my fellow vets next time—and time for the update. Hope you all are still enjoying this story! Now leave me alone so I can catch up on my OWN reading! (I'm looking at you, IamMSkye. lol)

 

**Chapter 17:** **Level Up**  
Ciara was so conflicted. She was determined to blow his mind, but as she stood in her mismatched bra  & boy shorts, she couldn't decide which nightie to choose. She had chosen to do the sexy negligée thing, and she wanted to get it right… as much for herself as for Ben. She knew he wouldn't make her feel bad if she got it wrong, but still. She looked at the pieces she'd chosen critically. One was a tiny red nightie that barely came below her hips and had a matching v-string. The kicker-it was all lace making, it virtually transparent. The other option was a delicate baby doll night that also came with a matching thong. It had satin cups to match the satin panties, but the rest was the sheerest mesh possible. She'd been this close to grabbing it in white because of how much he seemed to get off on her innocence, but she'd seen the rose pink & knew how that shade brought out the natural flush in her cheeks & got her comments on her age. The idea being she'd hopefully project the innocence he wanted so badly to corrupt.

When she had arrived, she'd felt so torn up, but the idea of surprising Ben in the shower or once he came out of it, had pushed everything out of her head. Especially when his grunts & groans grew louder in what he'd believed to be his empty apartment. Ciara felt a chill up her spine. He wasn't the only one looking for a release. The arousing sounds had finally stopped after reaching a loud guttural climax, which was a blessing and a curse. It meant she had hope of not ruin another pair of panties before came out, but it also meant she had very little time to choose and change. Biting her lip, she tilted her head as an idea struck.

* * *

"Ciara?" Again Ben's hungry shocked growl filled the air like his slick body filled the doorway in only a towel.

"Yes," she whined breathlessly, as she continued to work her fingers between her legs inside her panties. "Ooh, Ben, yes."

Ben stared in awe as Ciara lay in his bed, hair spread across his pillow, back arched in ecstasy as she worked to make herself cum, wearing what looked like nothing but a drenched pair of panties and one of his brand new, hastily buttoned white work shirts. "What—?" he cut himself off as it was clear what she was doing when one of her hands came up to pinch her nipple through his shirt. Ben cleared his throat as he searched for words. "Um…"

"Don't worry, ah, y-you can touch me… ooo, if you want," she managed to add. "I just—ah!—I thought we c-could, um, level up."

"Level up," he rasped as his fuzzy brain rushed to make sense of her words as he tried to maintain control. He finally had to force his eyelids closed so he could look away and get his thoughts together. He sucked it in a deep breath, trying to cleanse his mind, but the scent of Ciara's arousal filled his lungs as the squelching sounds of her busy fingers reached his ears. Unconsciously, he reached to adjust his dangerously-shifting towel. It caused something to click in his mind. Stage 3. They were on Stage 3 which was clothed physical contact. And Ciara kinda was so if he wanted to touch her, he needed to be in something more than a towel.

Without opening his eyes, he walked to his dresser. He grabbed a pair of his sleep pants he had yet to pack. As he rested a hand on the dresser for balance, he lost his grip when he heard Ciara reaching her peak. His eyes flew open and his head swung left to watch. Her eyes were screwed shut, but her head was turned toward him like she'd been looking at him just before she climaxed. His hand gripped the dresser viciously as he forced himself to slip on the loose lounge slacks before her eyes opened and noticed his missing towel.

As her eyelids began fluttering, he dropped to her side next to the bed. Her chest was heaving. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," she breathed back, lifting her glistening hand. "I made a mess of your surprise."

Ben grabbed her trembling hand and pulled it to his face. He let his eyelids fall closed & breathed in deeply. When he looked at her again, the fire in his eyes was so hot, she was sure she felt flames on her skin. "Smells delicious," he uttered, his voice taking on that gravely texture that never failed to leave her in knots. He licked his lips slowly. never breaking eye contact. Then he brought her hand to his face, and that tongue she fantasized about ran from the base of her palm to the tip of her middle finger. "Mmm, and you taste—" he sucked her middle finger deep into his mouth making her sensitive clit jump. "—so fucking good."

Ciara shivered with the need to have his mouth, and that talented tongue everywhere. Saliva pooled in her mouth as the craving to taste him in return grew inside. What would he taste like covered in cum? His & hers. "You didn't tell me what you thought of your surprise."

He paused in cleaning her fingers. "You mentioned leveling up," Ben said softly, as his hand began trailing up her leg leaving goosebumps in his wake. "The next stage was something about us touching each other fully clothed. Not sure this counts as 'fully' clothed."

"You complaining?" she asked letting her hands sink into his dark tresses before pulling him in for a rough, sloppy kiss. "Mm, you taste different."

"I taste like your pussy," he practically growled against her lips as he moved from the floor to hover over her prone body. "You should get used to it because once I get my tongue in you, I'm not going to able to resist fucking you on my tongue as often as your body can handle." He paused sliding to her ear. "Sometimes your mind will tell you that you can't take any more." He ran the tip of his tongue along the little shell of her ear and nibbled the lobe. "But you'll push through. For me, you'll push through until your body really can't take any more pleasure. Then it won't." He bit down sharply causing her back to arch as she yelped slightly. "It'll scare you the first time you wake up after, but you'll get used to that, too." His mouth worked down her neck, lavishing her with attention as her hands filled themselves his lush hair & still damp skin. "See, I have an oral fixation."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," he admitted. "It means I can be obsessive about tasting and exploring different flavors & textures with my mouth. I think your pussy is my going to be my favorite. Your mouth already has me addicted & your cum is so yummy."

"Ben," she gasped, dragging his filthy mouth back to hers. Ciara always felt so overwhelmed when he would say these… things. These sexy, dirty things that made her so afraid & excited & desperate for him. Every word was like a new fire burning through her blood setting every inch of her sensitive skin ablaze until she was sure that only his touch or his kiss on her skin could bring relief. It was at that moment that she realized he wasn't touching her with anything, but his mouth. "Touch me."

"I will," he whispered, as his mouth began wondering again. "I'm going to touch every inch of you until your skin is marked with the feel of me." Ben pushed himself up & away from her body as much as he could with her clinging to him so desperately. "Look at me."

"Ben," she whined, blindly trying to pull his body down to hers.

"Look. At. Me," he growled. Ciara's eyes flew open at met his. "Remember, tonight is not about fucking, and we are not going to have sex tonight." She frowned. "At least not intercourse. I will make you cum. A lot. But if you try to remove one article of clothing tonight, I'll stop."

"I wo—"

"You might," he countered. "So, I need you to remember when the urge rises to go beyond this stage, that I will stop if you do." He stared intently into her eyes. "Do you understand me? I will stop." Ciara felt goosebumps rise all over her skin at his intensity. "I will walk into that bathroom, lock the door, and make myself cum, and refuse to touch you again tonight. Understand?" She nodded. "Say the words. Before we go any farther."

"I understand," she whispered. "I understand that you want inside me as much as I want you to fill me, but you are determined to stick to these stages no matter what. I understand that the anticipation only makes me want you more. I understand that one day soon you will give in, & we'll both get what we've been craving." Ben leaned down and bit her bottom lip gently before pulling back again. "I also understand that tonight is not going to be that night. So, I will keep my clothes on & resist the urge to rip off what there is of yours."

"Good girl," he whispered before kissing her briefly as he allowed his weight to finally sink into her lush curves. "Have I mentioned how much better you look than me in this shirt?"

"Not possible," she giggled, squirming as she finally felt his hard length pressing right where she needed it most. "But thank you."

"You don't believe me?" he asked lifting his face from where he'd been nuzzling her neck. "Sounds like a challenge."

His hands came up to cup her breasts as his head moved lower without breaking eye contact. "A challenge?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed as he nuzzled her panty-covered mound. "I bet I could convince you not to doubt me."

"Oh, really?" Ciara gasped as her hands came down to grasp at his head.

"Really," Ben whispered as he laved her leg along the edge of her panties where her leg joined her hip with the flat of his tongue. "What do you think?"

Feeling his breath against her damp skin & the moist cotton of her simple black panties seemed to short-circuit her brain and her ability to speak. All that came out when she opened her mouth was a breathy whine.

"What was that?'' he asked with no small amount of amusement darkening his voice. When he was met with switched sides.

"Aaaah!" Ciara gasped, tense & desperate for him to stop teasing her & make good on his promises. "Please."

"Well, since you asked so nicely," he growled with a wicked grin she almost didn't catch her eyelids were so heavy. Without further warning he ran his tongue along her soaking panties from back to front stopping only to suck strongly on her cloth-covered clit with several hard pulls until suddenly, she was coming.

* * *

Ben gently licked & nuzzled along her trembling thighs and over her convulse clothed mound. Ciara was lost in the sensations and overwhelmed by the climax she hadn't seen coming… but he had. She wasn't as familiar with her body's limits yet. She would learn, and he would enjoy every second of teaching her.

When he felt her hands loosen on his scalp & fall to her sides, Ben rested his cheek on her thigh, content just to watch her regain herself. "Hi."

"What the hell did you do to me?" she panted out of breath.

Ben grinned. "Come on, Rockstar," he teased. "I figured a worldly woman like you would know-even with her panties on the whole time."

"Ben," she whined, weakly swatting at him. He ducked her easily. "I've just never-I mean… not that quickly or, or that unexpectantly. Especially after I just-you know."

"Mmhmm," he hummed, already rubbing his nose in her drenched cotton panties. "I do. It can be intense getting your clit sucked for the first time. Or so I've heard. It'll be even more intense when I eat this puss unobstructed. Can I take these off?"

"Gawd y-I mean, no. No," Ciara babbled.

Ben gave her his naughtiest smile. "Good girl. You remembered." He chuckled rubbing his cheek along her panties again. "That deserves a reward."

"A reward?"

"Yup," he said, popping the 'p'. "Which means I get eat the very special treat I've been craving."

"But h-" His sneaky finger sliding under the sticky cloth & into her moist entrance shocked her silent for a long moment.

"There is always a way if you want something bad enough. Remember that," Ben whispered as he slid finger out of her to hold the edge of her panties aside as he replaced it with his tongue.

"YES!"


End file.
